


Thrap-fam’es nufau t’ du

by Yangu_Fuyu



Series: Rubai-yut [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epic Bromance, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Rubai-yut, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, Vokaya Halan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1345567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yangu_Fuyu/pseuds/Yangu_Fuyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Vokaya Halan: Just what would you give to get back something lost? Just how much would you give up and how far can you run to get back what you thought was lost? Spock is about to find out his own answers to these questions; especially once he finds out what’s been hidden from him. OOC AU Set after Into Darkness friendship/pre-slash/slash Jim-Spock</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Funeral

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr at yangufuyu.tumblr.com for news and previews for the upcoming stories!
> 
> Look at what I've been up to! Been very busy. Now if you're new to this story, I very much STRESS this is a sequel to a previous story called "Vokaya Halan", to read that first. To read "Thrap-fam'es nufau t' du" first is going to somewhat very confuse you and have the slight possible chance of you running out of your nearest tissue box! ....But that, may happen to returning Vokaya Halan readers, and to whom I say: If you have not read VH since its first iniatial first chapter came out in December, I really urge you to go back to the first chapter and check out the 8tracks link if you want to. And also to please bear with me, and PLEASE don't chuck things may way, if you feel so inclined after this story is finished, then you may do so! I am not a mean person (well, against Marcus I'm a very mean person, but besides him....!) On with the show!

_Thrap-fam’es nufau t’ du_

Sequel to _Vokaya Halan_ : Just what would you give to get back something lost? Just how much would you give up and how far can you run to get back what you thought was lost? Spock is about to find out his own answers to these questions; especially once he finds out what’s been hidden from him. OOC AU Set after Into Darkness friendship/pre-slash/slash Jim-Spock

 

 

Chapter 1 – _Mem-lu til-kum_

 

_I’ve lost who I am, and I can’t understand; why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on; but I know all I know, is that the end’s beginning; all this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain; all is lost, hope remains, and this war’s not over._

 

Terra’s sky, in all of its strange idioms, and all its clichés, had started to cry.  
It mattered very little; it proved to the rest of those beings who were going to attend how much no-one wanted to go, nor would care if their clothing got drenched in the downpour.  
  
It reminded Spock of how much he did not want to attend, nor come to terms with what happened and what _would_ happen.  
Spock had been trying to come to terms with what had only happened three days ago:  
His forever friend, his Captain and _T’hy’la_ , had died.  
He would need to be in attendance of said _friend’s_ funeral.  
He was forever without his friend by his side.  
  
Spock looked up to the downpour of rain through the windows of his dwellings he had with his parents, they had not left back for Vulcan, and was assured they wouldn’t leave until they (Amanda’s influence over Sarek) were sure Spock was alright, and had some semblance over his life again.  
Sarek had raised an eyebrow at his wife.  
Spock had highly doubted that he would regain any kind of normalcy without Jim.  
It was not possible.  
It could never be possible.  
Nothing was right.  
Not anymore.  
  
“Spock?” Amanda called him out.  
Spock looked down and turned away from the rain to face his mother.  
Amanda was wearing what looked like a mix between what Spock knew was civilian human custom to wear to…where they were attending in the afternoon, but kept within being married to a Vulcan, her head covered; all in lace-black. Her eyes rimmed red with how many tears she had cried. It was a tribute to how much she liked and mourned Jim.  
After the initial let go, Spock had not cried once.  
He knew McCoy was beside himself, had he not put his all into finding a reason for the cause.  
Jim could not have died simply, just like that. There needed to be a reason.  
However, thinking of such things was not going to bring the man back; it would only make things worse.  
He had illogically hoped he would be spared such an emotional attack again; would never feel like this again.  
The first time had been enough;  
_“I’m scared, Spock…How do you choose not to feel?_ ”  
“ _I do not know. Right now I am failing._ ”  
The second time was like the human saying; pouring salt onto open wounds.  
_Cry no more, T’hy’la.  
_ “ _Tor ri hal-tor wilat to kup-ri zahal-tor, T’hy’la_.”  
He never wanted to be reminded how frail humans’ were, nor how short their lives were compared to Vulcans.  
  
“Mother,” Spock addressed her as she came over to him.  
She spent a minute looking to the sky’s tears.  
“They’re crying.” She had said.  
Spock blinked and followed her gaze up to the sky’s clouds.  
He didn’t voice how illogical it would be for the sky to cry just because of one lost human.  
He saw the sky crying when he could not, fitting: the sky could cry for him.  
Jim would have been proud.  
  
Amanda looked to her son, he was only half ready to leave; if she didn’t know the cause, she would say he was procrastinating. She briefly wondered if he was going to wear his uniforms standard hat.  
“Will you be ready to leave in time?” Amanda asked tentatively.  
“I will be ready.” Spock answered shortly.  
Amanda nodded. “We’ll be leaving soon.” She reminded, and left his room.  
  
They would be arriving early.  
Spock knew this.  
It was only because they were asked to, to meet McCoy and Pike before the others got there.  
He was sure the only reason either he or McCoy were still on the _Enterprise_ was because Jim would have wanted them to be.  
Not out of want or need.  
  
There were two people he would not tolerate meeting for the duration of today, or for the rest of this life.  
He was quite unclear of what his reactions to seeing those two, Winona and Frank, would make him do. Nor was he quite sure what his mother would do.  
  
Spock grasped his Starfleet dress uniform jacket and left the room while putting it on, he met Sarek on his way through the house; he was dressed in a similar manner to show his Ambassadorship. Sarek nodded to his son, but in typical fashion, did not speak.  
Spock did not trust himself to speak.  
  
He couldn’t quite remember, nor cared to, if his parents had or had not met his counterpart.  
Spock was quite sure he would see him there.  
Nor could he quite remember leaving or arriving in the remembrance courtyard, only coming out from wherever he found himself when he saw McCoy.  
“McCoy,” Spock sounded.  
At his name the man seemed to come to his senses as well.  
“Spock.” McCoy returned.  
McCoy’s eyes weren’t red like Amanda’s. But Spock having known the man for as long as he did; knew the signs he was grieving, the signs of fatigue, trouble and guilt clouded his eyes.  
He found he did not mind the blatant show of human emotion at all.  
“How are you holding up?” Amanda asked McCoy.  
“I’ll deal, eventually.” McCoy muttered; his voice low and hoarse.  
Spock could only surmise McCoy had not found anything to be a reason, and only been able to fall asleep via the help of _medicinal_ _purpose_ alcohol.  
Spock could barely meditate, let alone sleep.  
  
Pike showed up soon after they did.  
“Gentlemen,” He started, once he came up to them.  
“Sir,” The two greeted politely.  
Spock stood through Pike’s thorough examination, giving the man one of his own.  
Spock knew how much Pike … _had_ … meant to Jim. He briefly wondered if the same sentiment was returned.  
Pike did not look like he was grieving. Though Spock knew better, to humans, he himself looked like he wasn’t on the verge of being emotionally compromised; of grieving. If Spock would be permitted one lie to himself, it would be the fact that he was completely and utterly _fine_.  
Pike’s eyeing examination lingered more on Spock then it did on McCoy.  
“How are you holding up, son?” Pike asked.  
Spock blinked. “I will adapt, sir.”  
He was _fine_.  
Pike frowned. “It must be difficult for you.”  
Spock blinked again. “Time has indeed changed, sir.”  
_This shouldn’t have had happened._  
He had regained one world for losing another.  
He wasn’t quite sure if he was permitting to think that _unfair_ standards.  
  
_The whole world knew Jim unconventionally saved Vulcan and Earth from the same disaster that took the USS_ Kelvin.  
Not how.  
Not why.  
No reasons given.  
_The whole world knew that Jim suffered the worst at being the two world’s saviours; he had died._  
The whole world was mourning.  
Not because they lost someone they knew personally.  
Because they had lost a saviour’s son: who turned out to be an unconventional saviour himself.  
  
Spock looked to his left and saw a familiar olden face come into the yard.  
He noticed the many beings there were frowning at the older Vulcan’s presence; his parents had indeed _not_ met his counterpart before now.  
“Mister Spock.” Spock greeted.  
At this they understood.  
Spock saw his mother’s surprised face, and McCoy openly stare.  
“Mister Spock.” Elder-Spock returned the greeting.  
Elder-Spock, who Spock knew, had spent a longer time around humans tended to be more open with his emotions.  
There was a deep sense of grieving and loss sensation from him.  
One that Spock returned in his eyes.  
_Tushah nash-veh k’dular._  
The elder nodded, as if noticing.  
“Amanda.” Elder-Spock greeted, Amanda seemed lost for words, as her silence persisted and the starting of a frown, while he nodded to Sarek while holding up the _ta’al_ , who nodded back with the same gesture returned.  
  
Sooner rather than later, the yard filled with the crew of the _Enterprise_ , as well as nameless faces of people who meant nothing to either he or people Jim would have known; few had umbrellas to protect themselves from the downpour.  
Several influential Admirals had also turned up, (Spock may have fled in the other direction when he saw Marcus. He would not want to have the conversation of _why_ Marcus may end up dead by his hand.)  
If anyone noticed his blatant run away from Marcus, no one commented on it.  
Spock was rather thankful he did not see Winona, nor did anyone introduce themselves to him as Frank.  
“Just so you men know.” Pike had said, causing both Spock and McCoy to look to him again, “As soon as the Admirals release the _Enterprise_ , you two will be drafted up, as they have decided you two are going to remain on the _Enterprise_ in your respective fields for its ongoing assignments.”  
Pike soon excused himself to get something to drink.  
The Admirals message was clear, even if Pike had not quite understood the underlining wording. Such a blatant return to service meant only one thing:  
_They wanted you to carry on as if nothing important happened._  
Spock turned and wordlessly conveyed this to McCoy, hoping that even this younger version of his friend would understand.  
McCoy did and stalked away, Spock was pretty sure his ears picked up a few Southerner un-gentleman words that he would definitely _not_ have used around Joanna.  
  
It was only a few hours after everyone arrived, did they start to disperse; those nameless people said their condolences to the crew of the _Enterprise_ (not specifically to Spock himself), then left. It was soon only those of the bridge crew of the _Enterprise_ (who specifically made a point of giving Spock condolences from hearing their talk when they were over on the _Narada_ ), and that of Spock and his family. Even the crew and his counterpart departed, leaving Spock and his family last to leave.  
If there were any more injustice to the whole scenario, Spock thought it thus;  
Upon Jim’s final record and place, there would no rank, no _Captain of the USS_ Enterprise, no link to his father, no any official link to the ship he served for _three years_ , no official link to being the _saviour_ of Vulcan or Earth, only;

 _James “Jim” Tiberius Kirk_  
2233.04 – 2258.45  
May he be remembered.

Spock blinked, as buried emotions ran their course through his mind, not one emotion stayed on his mind for more than point five seconds; no one saw these emotions on his face, for this he was quite glad. As he stood there staring, he remembered something Jim had said, and will now never say,  
“ _Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that's not who we are._ ”  
Spock turned back to his mother who was with Sarek as they waited for him.  
He could only hope that he could do as his friend had pledged on that day.  
_Rom-halan, t’nash-veh Ang’jmizn; t’nash-veh T’hy’la;_  
Farewell, my Captain; my T’hy’la:

_May you shall forever be remembered by me._


	2. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hurray! This would have been uploaded several days ago but life seemed to steam roll me again, and I screwed up my math ability to add up simple year to year. Yeah. That was stupid. Anyways! This chapter starts where Into Darkness basically does, so, uh, if you haven't gathered this story has full on spoilers for that movie and you haven't seen said movie, there are spoilers abound!

Chapter 2 – _Mu’gel-‘es_

 

_I don’t want to be an island; I just wanna feel alive and get to see your face again; but ‘til then, just my echo, my shadow; you’re my only friend and sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright; but it’s never enough._

 

_Star-date: 2259~_

Spock observed that they had learnt: Which was an achievement and applaud worthy.  
The crew of the _Enterprise_ hadn’t quite got it through their heads that **_Spock_** _had done it all **before**_.  
So, when of course, before Captain Pike approved the unregistered K’normian trader ship clear to come aboard, they had not heeded his words of Mudd’s women and their use of ‘Venus pill’ to charm themselves. McCoy and Scotty were instantly heeded of Spock’s words, and instantly weary, making them the only three (plus all female crew on board) able to ignore their charms.  
Lesson learnt.  
  
So when the _Enterprise_ came across tribbles, when Spock said to _not_ feed them overly. They did not. Especially after one Ensign (who didn’t get the memo), fed it.  
And it multiplied.  
  
Soon after any little bit of disturbance went through Spock first, and whatever he said went heeded. The crew soon learnt to stop asking how it happened or how he knew, as soon as the words left their mouths the sudden change in Spock as he would clam up was definitely noted, and they quickly changed the subject should they forget to not bring up the subject.  
Only a few realised that these moments were from Spock reliving those moments to remember exactly what Jim had done.  
  
So they weren’t quite sure what to think when he suddenly excused himself once they got the mission to survey an M class planet called Nibiru.  
However, Pike let him go.  
After all, after a year of being repeatedly _self_ -reminded, when Spock brought something up; (Mudd or tribbles for one) _Spock had done this all before_. Never telling, only except when crew lives were in danger, or something to be changed. Spock had always asked to be trusted and not to be asked about events before they happened, or how they happened the first time.  
Pike assumed this one of those “to be changed” things, and let it be.  
Vulcans (even half ones, apparently), were stickers for rules and regulations.  
  
Except of course; when apparently an erupting volcano about to destroy a planet: all rules and regulations decide to fly out the airlock for a few hours.  
  
It was half way into the surveying when Pike realised that his Vulcan crew member was still absent.  
Turning in his chair, noticing his absence, he turned back around.  
“Uh, where’s Spock?” Pike asked.  
He could hear Uhura flipping switches, pause, then flip more switches.  
“…Apparently not on the ship, sir,” Uhura replied hesitantly, while Chekov and Sulu eyed each other.  
Pike blinked. “What do you mean; _he’s not on the ship_?” As soon as the words flew out of his mouth, he quickly stood up and turned to the planet, as suddenly the erupting volcano they were monitoring, suddenly stopped as if frozen. “Aw crap.” He swore.  
  
Spock had saved Nibiru (again). He had done it in such a way that, this, time the Prime Directive had not been broken. The Nibiruans had not seen him, nor had they been wiped out, nor had he been hurt.  
Pike was pinching his nose between his eyes at this point.  
The Vulcan had used the same technology he had used to save Vulcan.  
He had a serious saving world’s vendetta. Only he wiped that thought of his mind as he knew Spock remembered being once too late to save Vulcan the first time round; causing such a vendetta.  
Pike briefly wondered how Jim had handled Spock;  
or how Spock had handled Jim.  
  
The _Enterprise_ was being called home.  
Pike looked to Spock, who yet again gave way nothing, as outward looking pointing towards thinking the Vulcan had no damn clue what was going on.  
Then he would say something that had not happened, then _would_ happen that made people go crazy, Pike especially wanted to shake answers out of him sometimes.  
Was Spock’s tight-lipped feature apart of who he was, a Vulcan who (sometimes, if there were no exploding volcanos), adhered to rules and regulation, who had a counterpart vow not to give away future exploits that he too followed the example, or was this a point of feature because of Jim?  
  
For once, Spock wasn’t quite sure of the reasons behind the _Enterprise_ being recalled back to Earth.  
But felt ice move into his being when Pike pulled him aside to ask him a question.  
“Do you the reasons behind us being called back?” Pike asked him.  
Spock blinked. “I do not.”  
After all they were recalled the first time because they broke the Prime Directive.  
Pike looked a little off.  
“Sir…?” Spock asked quietly, as if confused.  
“I was hoping you would. We got no reason for being ordered back.” Pike surmised their orders.  
“Curious.” Spock replied. “No reason for our call back, just to dock and be on Starfleet property?”  
Pike nodded. “Strange, isn’t it?”  
“Indeed.”  
  
Spock found himself as soon as the _Enterprise_ docked and crew dirt side, wandering into the remembrance courtyard.  
It had not changed since he last was there, almost over a year ago.  
Spock now quite understood the reasons why so many humans would say _time passed too quickly yet too slowly._  
The words were still the same, the placement still the same; the recognition still missing in their words.  
As Spock sat down on the courtyards’ bench, he pulled out his PADD; there had to be a reason for the _Enterprises_ ’ return to Earth, something being left out of his and Pike’s knowledge.  
Spock tried to access the media’s data base.  
 ** _Access denied: Top level clearance only._**  
Spock blinked and an eyebrow rose.  
Curious, he decided.  
Well, he didn’t have top level clearance. But he knew people who did.  
Switching his PADD over to his communicator, he placed the call, and was put through to a voice call.  
“ _T’nar pak sorat y’rani_ , Father, I wish this message finds you and Mother well, I have been called back to Earth presently for an un-prescribed length of time without reason; such a reason was kept unknown from myself and Captain Pike. There is a top level clearance barring media files; so the reason still remains unknown. If you would, once you receive this message, call up any information at this time that would recall the _Enterprise_?” At this time his communicator beeped that would sound through his message as well. “ _Rom-halan_ , Father; I await your reply.”  
He ended his response to Sarek, and moved his fingers to read the incoming message, and once more felt his blood turn to ice.  
 **rec >>** _Emergency session, Daystrom._

 

Spock all but walked, yet composedly, to his dorm to change into his dress uniform to get there as quickly as he could before Marcus got there, before Pike got there, so he could warn Pike of the dangers; warn every one of the danger, just in case it was the very same threat the message implied for him.  
He was almost 100 per cent certain the lack of media access and the return of the _Enterprise_ , meant Marcus still woke up Khan, Khan had just destroyed the _Kelvin_ archive in retaliation for Marcus’s supposed killing of his crew.  
Spock got there just before Pike arrived.  
“Captain…!” Spock voiced.  
Pike blinked and turned around to face Spock.  
“Ah, there you are, Spock. Got the message as well?” Pike asked, curiously.  
“Yes sir,” Spock instinctively knew there was no good way to say what he needed to say, in order to save his life. “…Sir, I need a moment of your time before we go into the meeting.” He said urgently.  
Pike lifted one of his eyebrows. “This happen before…?” Spock nodded; thankfully Pike understood this. “Alright, follow me.”  
  
Pike brought them to an unused room, one that was not monitored.  
“What I will need to tell you will not be easy to hear; therefore it would be more beneficial and quicker to show you.” Spock announced.  
Pike nodded and let Spock’s fingers lay on his meld points.  
  
 _“Captain,” Spock’s voice called to the inbound person._  
“Not anymore, Spock; First Officer.” Jim said as they kept walking, and into the lift.  
 **Confusion – non-understanding – apprehensive:**  
“I was demoted, and you were reassigned.” Jim continued.  
 **Confusion – Reaffirmed understanding – relief:**  
“It is most fortunate the consequences were not more severe.” Spock said, still frowning.  
Jim gave out a suffered sigh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”  
 **Confusion – apprehensive – afraid of losing Jim – afraid of being left behind:**  
“Captain, it was not my intent—” Spock tried.  
Jim finally turned to him. “ **Not Captain** _! I saved your life, Spock. You wrote a report; I lost my ship!”_  
 **Fear – reason with him – do not lose Jim – try to understand – realization:**  
“Commander,” Spock tried again, as they left the lift. “I see now that I should have alerted you to the fact that I submitted the report.”  
“No, I am familiar of your compulsion to follow the rules, but see I can’t do that!” Jim said, turning to Spock. “Where I come from, when you save someone’s life, you don’t stab them in the back!”  
 **Confusion – non-understanding – apprehensive:**  
“Vulcan’s cannot lie,” Spock reiterated to him.  
“Then I’m talking to the human _half of you, alright?” Jim started,_  
 **Confusion – shock – non-understanding – apprehensive:**  
“Do you understand why I went back for you?” Jim asked,  
 **Jumbled thoughts – confusion – fear – loss – friendship:  
** “The truth is; I’m going to miss you.” Jim had said with a small sad-like smile;  
 **Stunned – unable to reply – losing Jim.**  
  
“Thank you for convening on such short notice.” Marcus’ voice came through, to the many Captains’ and First Officer’s around the table. “By now, some of you have heard of what happened in London; the target was a Starfleet data-archive, now it’s a damn whole in the ground and forty-two men and women are died. One hour ago I received a message from a Starfleet officer who confessed to carrying out the attack; saying he was forced by this man,” Marcus brought up an image of a human _oid male_ _on their screens, a man with black hair and eyes. “Commander John Harrison. He is one of our own, and he is the man responsible for this act of savagery. For reasons unknown he has declared a one-man war against Starfleet. And under no circumstances are we to allow him to escape Federation Space; you here tonight are representative of all the vessels in the region, in the name of those we lost we will_ **hunt this bastard down**.”  
 **Scrambled bits and pieces of voices cross over each other: Tomorrow is too late**.  
“If you’ve got something to say, Kirk, tomorrow’s too late.” Marcus had ordered once Jim tried to decline speaking.  
“W-Why the archive…? All that data is public information, if he really wanted to damage Starfleet…This could just be beginning…” Jim stated.  
 **Understanding:**  
“Beginning of what, Mister Kirk…?” Marcus asked dangerously.  
“Sir, in the advent of an attack, protocol mandates senior command gather Captains’ and First Officers’ at Starfleet H.Q. right here, in this room.” Jim said.  
The room lit up red.  
Jim stood up.  
“ **Clear the room!** ” Jim shouted.  
 **Pandemonium – confusion – fear – loss sight of Jim – loss of time understanding:**  
A flight vessel started shooting into the room, knocking down several Officers’ and their Captain’s.  
Harrison manning the vessel…  
Pike fatally shot.  
 **Anger – confusion – loneliness – fear**  
Vulcan – loss – confusion – anger  
Jim…! The same – the same –  
Jumble thoughts messed with straight thoughts, not one strand kept on one thought.  
“Do you – understand – why I – went back – for you…?” Jim’s voice came through.  
“Moment of his passing…” Spock’s voice sounded out.  
Jim surrendering up the ta’al _against glass:_  
Emotionally Compromised.  
“You – never – loved – her…!” Jim’s voice overcame. “I’m – sorry…”  
“Because – you are – my friend…” Spock replied.  
 **T’hy’la – lost – not coming back – cannot be without you by my side.**  
“…You? At his side; like you’ve always been there and always will.” An unknown voice filtered through.  
Broken bond-link:  
“First best destiny…” Elder-Spock’s voice came through.  
“I – do not – know – Right now – I’m failing–”  
 **Overwhelming sadness – overwhelming loss – overwhelming rage:**  
Not enough time to save…  
Anger – confusion – loneliness – fear.  
 **Tomorrow is too late.**  
 _Jim!_  
  
Spock released Pike knowing he was unable to keep his emotions from overwhelming the transference link.  
Pike grasped the nearest wall for stability.  
“…I apologize…” Spock said quietly.  
“That’s…alright…” Pike sounded, a little out of breath. “I died in that room?”  
Spock nodded. **** __  
  
  
Pike sorted through the major information he had been given, and one thing stood out.  
“…Jim was still alive…” Pike muttered painfully.  
Spock flinched, and his head bowed, then only did he nod. “Yes sir.”  
Pike moaned as the chrono-watch he had demanded they be in that very room. “I’ll try and talk to Marcus before Harrison arrives.”  
Spock didn’t have time to speak out the idea was a very bad one.  
“Captain…” Spock tried.  
“Not now, Spock.” Pike demanded as he rushed to get to the meeting room.  
  
Spock was only a little relieved when Pike didn’t have enough time to speak to Marcus beforehand, as they and Marcus arrived late, and Marcus was in a rush to get them started.  
It went in a very similar way to what Spock was used to.  
Except Pike was a rush to get Marcus to realize Harrison was on to them.  
Marcus suddenly understood, and stood up, just as the room started going red. “ _Clear the room!_ ”  
No one got killed.  
No one died.  
However, Harrison still escaped into the goldenly-white wisps of a beaming device when the cavalry shot down his flight vessel.  
  
“Chris.” Marcus called to Pike.  
Pike froze and turned to him. “Yes sir?”  
“How did you know that Harrison was onto us?” Marcus asked his voice lining with dangerousness, which immediately got Pike on his alert.  
“My First Officer reminded me that because Harrison is of Starfleet he would be aware that his bombing of the archive would gather us all in that room.” Pike said.  
Marcus stared at him, as if he couldn’t quite work him or Spock out. “You sure your…. _First Officer_ … has no further… _recount_ … of Harrison?” Marcus asked; his voice still dangerous.  
Pike felt his eyes narrowing. “No sir, he did not mention knowing the man after the meeting.”  
Only a little lie; Spock had theoretically not mentioned _out loud_ about Harrison, nor given fact to knowing him after that battle. __  
“…If you’re sure. Come to me if he mentions anything.” Marcus demanded, and gave Pike his leave.  
Pike had his suspicions from the start by how Spock had reacted to every time he was near or in mention of the man; now this had confirmed it. There was something up with Marcus, something Spock knew of.  
However, Pike wasn’t quite sure how to confront Spock about it without stirring up painful memories he only had a brief glimpse at; Pike would rather not have Spock bare again to those memories more than every day for the next two years or more would bring.


	3. Darkness Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Really much to say, just that Spock's a bad ass with ninja skills and abilities. Oh, and it's awesome too.

Chapter 3 – _Mu’gel-‘es fun-tor’s_

_Even the smallest spark of hope is enough to ignite change and in the absence of darkness comes strength. But even the most brilliant of lights eventually flicker and die, and when they are gone; darkness will return._

  
Spock couldn’t understand what had happened, or how it happened.  
However, somehow it had happened, and Spock wasn’t quite sure if he liked the turn of events.  
No, Spock was sure he did not like it, at all.  
  
He had missed Scotty pull the beaming device from Khan’s flight vehicle, as he was not notified, but Pike was, (which was logical, he only knew the first time because Jim was unreachable, so Scotty notified him, as he did not know Spock was at the time was no longer his First Officer.)  
Pike was the one to go to Marcus to present the evidence, therein he was called.  
  
Spock walked into the room apprehensively, not quite knowing what to expect from either Pike or Marcus.  
“Sirs,” Spock said as he entered.  
“Spock, come in.” Marcus called, and Pike nodded to him. “I need a quick word from you.”  
Spock nodded, and stood beside Pike, who was calm considering.  
Marcus pointed to a black semi destroyed box. “This looks familiar too you…?”  
Spock frowned. Of course the device did, but he wasn’t about to let Marcus know that. “May I look at it, sir?”  
Marcus nodded, and Spock approached the desk where the device was held; with the set of numbers **_2314-3456_**.  
“This has Mr Scott’s equation for trans-warp beaming; I can assume from the damage it was found it the wreckage of Harrison’s ship.” Spock announced, neither confirming nor denying he had seen the device before.  
Pike looked to him strangely, behind Marcus’ back, as if to say he hadn’t believed him; but Marcus hadn’t seen that.  
“Then he is on Qo’noS, correct, from your understanding of those coordinates, and no longer on Earth?” Marcus drilled, as if he had hoped to get more information.  
“Those coordinates coincide with the Katha Province on Qo’noS, sir.” Spock replied, standing aside of Pike, and furthest away from Marcus.  
Marcus went around his table, and then looked to them both.  
“I’m going to need you to go get him.” Marcus announced.  
This alarmed Spock, as well as Pike. “Sir…?” They both asked at the same time.  
“I want Harrison taken care of, and you’re the best and fastest in the Fleet.” Marcus said in a hard voice.  
“…Yes sir.” Pike said, while Spock remained silent.  
  
It was the same plan; _sit on the edge of the Neutral Zone, fire new torpedoes at Qo’noS, ‘hall ass’ to get out of there._  
Pike must have felt him stiffen several times, at each time the word _torpedo_ was used, as well as each time Qo’noS was mentioned.  
Marcus must have picked up on at least one stiffen. “You, yourself said the area was uninhabited. No loss of life, besides Harrison’s.” Marcus said dangerously. “War with the Klingons is inevitable.”  
This was getting too close.  
Spock blinked. “I thought our task was to seek out and explore.”  
Spock saw Pike nod, as if he seconded his statement.  
“Indeed, but we also need to be wary of what we find. Diplomacy has failed with Klingons’ at every turn: Unless you want to tell me otherwise.” Marcus demanded, glaring at Spock.  
Spock remained quiet.  
“Sir, will you be giving us the mission to go to Qo’noS?” Pike asked eager to get of that topic.  
Marcus nodded. “As well as the torpedoes, use them.”  
  
Spock still didn’t know what to think as they buckled into the transporter to get them back to the _Enterprise_ ; how was he supposed to tell Pike not to use those torpedoes, but still get them on-board and get Scotty to go to Jupiter?  
Spock was unsettled even more so when Pike sat in the same seat Jim had sat in.  
“So, I’m guessing this happened before.” Pike announced, levelling Spock with a knowing ‘tell-now’ glance. Spock blinked. “There is something going on with Marcus, you know it, you hate being around the guy, I’m getting it too; so here’s what I’m going to do, I’m so sure this has happened before, gauging your response to every time the word _torpedo_ was used, and you can’t just say it’s because we’re firing them at the Klingons—”  
“We’re _firing torpedoes **at the Klingons**_?!” McCoy’s alarmed voice came through from behind them.  
“—that I’m going to let you have every decision based on what you remember, and did.” Pike continued, ignoring McCoy.  
Spock blinked, that would work.  
McCoy was about to have a heart attack, so Spock turned to him slightly. “I assure you doctor McCoy we’re not firing them at the Klingons.”  
This assured McCoy, as well as Pike; who hadn’t wanted to use them in the first place; knowing that Jim hadn’t either, made him breathe in a sigh of relief.  
Spock would rather not see the end of seventy-two innocent lives.  
They all looked up to see one last new person arrive.  
Spock blinked; he had quite forgotten Carol Marcus.  
“Captain Pike…?” She asked and smiled at him politely, “Science Officer Carol Wallace. I’ve been assigned to the _Enterprise_ by Admiral Marcus.”  
Pike looked to Spock, who was looking to Carol like he knew her, (there was also some other small unidentifiable emotion that flickered through Spock’s eyes), so he figured he was up for a bit of staging.  
“Bit unusual, Wallace, for a senior ship’s officer to be transferred aboard at essentially the last minute?” Pike thought curiously aloud, however since Spock was fine with her, he looked to the Ensign by the door. “You can seal the door.”  
The doors closed, and Carol came in close to give her PADD to Pike.  
“Lieutenant Carol Wallace. Advanced doctorates in applied physics, astrophysics, materials science; Starfleet specialist in advanced weapons systems...” Pike read.  
“Impressive,” Spock commented.  
“Thank you,” Carol replied, looking to him uncertainly.  
“Have a seat, doctor; I’m beginning to think we need more people who know what the hell they’re doing.” Pike murmured.  
  
Scotty was another being who was ranting and raving by the time they were on board.  
“No: Absolutely not…! I’m not signing anything!” Scotty’s voice was saying. “Get these bloody things of ma’ ship…!” He continued to rant about the delivery of torpedoes; then he saw Pike and Spock.  
“ _Captain…!_ ”  
Pike looked to Spock, who nodded. “Doctor McCoy I will need you to be present.”  
McCoy blinked. “Uh…okay…?”  
Scotty near on flipped himself.  
“Mister Scott, is there a problem?” Pike asked.  
“ _Aye_ sir, there’s a ‘problem.’” Scotty started and pointed to the torpedoes and the two security guards. “I was jus’ attemptin’ta’ explain—” Scotty glanced at Spock, “in the most… _calm_ and _rational_ way possible, that I cannaeauthorize additional weapons comin’ aboard unless I know exactly what’s _inside_ them.” He gestured to the torpedoes’ again, “Especially when those weapons are of a new and unfamiliar type.”  
  
Scotty looked to Spock imploringly. “You’ve done this before; tell me we don’t hav’ these on board.”  
Scotty knew Spock had done this before. If they wouldn’t listen to him, they would listen to Spock.  
“They will need to be stationed on board,” Spock started, looking from Scotty’s now alarmed-grief stricken face to the guards, came in closer and lowered his voice so they would not be heard. “But they will not be used.”  
This got Scotty to blink. “I hav’ ya promise on tha’, sir?” He asked.  
Spock nodded. “So, I’ll need you to sign them in, in knowledge we won’t be using them at all, if as you humans say, only to use as a scare factor, that is all.”  
Scotty nodded slowly. “If ya’ say so, then sir…”  
“…I will also need you to do something for me, once you have signed for them,” Spock said, as Scotty huffily signed for the torpedoes over, for it Scotty looked back to him.  
“I need you to go to this set of coordinates: _23.17.46.11._ ” Spock said, still in a low voice.  
Scotty looked incredulously at him. “An’ how do you suppose this’ll happen, sir?”  
Spock looked up. “Doctor McCoy,” he asked in a higher voice, catching the attention of Pike and McCoy, McCoy came over at the mention of his name.  
Scotty looked oblivious, as did McCoy.  
“I need you to make out Mister Scott has come down with something, enough for him to be immediately transferred of the _Enterprise_.” Spock said.  
“You’re kidding me! He’s fine!” McCoy grumbled.  
Spock levelled him with a glance.  
Both McCoy and Scotty knew this glance.  
“Oh, och, I don’t feel well.” Scotty said huffily.  
“Of all the…!” McCoy grumbled.  
  
Spock pulled Carol to the side to tell her he knew her real identity.  
“…Is this coming of your knowledge of this happening before?” Carol asked, curiously, but not dangerously like her father.  
“Indeed,” Spock replied.  
Carol blinked. “Then why let me on board?” She asked.  
“Because you know these torpedoes, and I will not tell the Admiral you are here.” Spock said and walked off, leaving behind a stunned Carol.  
  
Pike sighed. “Okay… now that you’ve gotten rid of my Chief Engineer, anyone else you want off the ship?” He asked as they went into the turbo lift.  
“No sir.” Spock nodded. “There is a reason for Mister Scott’s leave.”  
Pike looked to him. “The official one; or your official one…?”  
Spock blinked, “Both, sir.”  
“I believe you, Spock, don’t get me wrong, I still stand by what I said when we were leaving.” Pike announced.  
“…Thank you, sir.” Spock said  
“But a damn good explanation once all this is over will be nice.” Pike muttered. “Maybe you can even ruffle some more feathers as you go. Hell! Even pluck them as you go!”  
  
The message to the crew was different. Spock wasn’t quite sure why it irked him so much. Pike had given the command crew once more, that if any commands come from Spock, _no matter how strange_ , to follow them as quickly and efficiently as they could; yet again subtly reminding them that yet again this mission was something Spock had done before.  
Chekov was made into the new Chief of Engineering, as he had again been shadowing Scotty.  
“But sir…” Chekov started nervously.  
What had Jim said…?  
“…You’ll do fine, Mister Chekov.” Spock said, and hopefully it sounded encouraging to the human.  
Chekov nodded and went to put on a red shirt.  
  
Soon they were on their way to Qo’noS.  
Soon enough the _Enterprise_ decided to stop working.


	4. Darkness Returns II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oooh, I'm done, I'm dead. I'm on holidays, and they don't feel like it! But for those who are in the same boat, row with me, and maybe something will happen, and maybe we can get more chapters up if holidays start acting like holidays! And for everyone else, woot, a chapter! Yay!

Chapter 4 - _Mu’gel-‘es fun-tor’s II_

_When I thought that I fought this war alone; you were there by my side on the frontline; and we fought to believe the impossible; we were one with our destinies entwined; when I thought that I fought this war without the cause; you gave me the reason why: we’re already too late if we arrive at all._

  
  
Various screams and curses were sounded throughout the ship as she dropped them out of warp suddenly.  
“A little warning before that happens!” Pike shouted; they weren’t quite sure who this was directed at.  
“Engineering just manually dropped us out of warp!” Sulu said.  
“Chekov, did you break my ship!?” Pike shouted into the relay.  
“ _I don’t know what happened, sir!_ ” Chekov started and further explained their situation.  
Pike groaned. “Great. Mister Sulu, remaining time to our destination…?” Pike asked.  
“Twenty minutes, sir,” Sulu started, and turned in his chair to face Pike. “But that’s twenty minutes in hostile space we weren’t counting on. We’re still in the Neutral Zone, but well inside the Klingon sphere of influence.”  
Pike sighed, and turned to Spock. “What now, Spock…?” He asked blatantly.  
“Man a team down to Qo’noS.” Spock said. This got raised eyebrows. “To retrieve Harrison, and get him in custody on board.”  
Pike looked incredulous.  
“Hold on, you’re saying we’re robbing a bank when the getaway car has a flat tire!” McCoy said in alarm.  
“How do you suppose to get Harrison to come willingly?” Pike asked.  
“Threaten to use the torpedoes at his location.” Spock announced.  
Pike blinked a few times before trying to shake his head. “Whoever you need to go down with you…”  
“Mister Sulu, I will need you to come along to help pilot the trader ship.” Spock said, Sulu blinked, but nodded. Spock looked to Uhura. “You as well Lieutenant Uhura, as you can speak Klingon.”  
Uhura blinked but nodded “Yes, sir.”  
Several things about what Spock had said; stood out clear as day to the command crew;  
one he had said to Sulu, _to help pilot_ , meaning he was a pilot short; which meant Jim had been a pilot:  
and to Uhura, _she can speak Klingon_ ; which meant they were going to meet Klingons.  
Great, as if the mission couldn’t get worse.  
  
 _“Unclear.” Spock had said._  
 _“About what, Mister Spock…?” Jim had asked._  
 _“…A great deal, Captain,” Spock replied._  
 _“Then, we are once again, in full agreement, Mister Spock.” Jim agreed._  
  
 _“Captain, we will not fit!” Spock announced; looking at the space Jim was guiding the craft into._  
 _“We’ll fit! We’ll fit!” Jim had shouted turning the ship on its side, scraping the sides of the ship and the structures walls. “See? Told you we’d fit.”_  
 _“I’m not sure that qualifies.” Spock spoke back._  
  
They hoping it wouldn’t: meant it did.  
They were met with a Klingon War Bird, which accosted them down to the ground;  
Uhura forced to speak Klingon, only for the group to come under fire from Harrison.  
“How many torpedoes, the one’s in your message, how many are there?” Harrison asked, pointing his gun at them.  
“Seventy-two,” Spock replied, trying very hard (and failing at) not glaring at the man.  
Harrison threw down his remaining gun. “I surrender.”  
  
 _“Captain, sir,”_ Spock announced through the communicator.  
 _“Reading you, Spock,”_ Pike relayed.  
 _“You may tell Starfleet we have Harrison is custody.”_ Spock replied.  
 _“….Will do…”_ Pike was hesitant to reply.  
  
Harrison was put in the brig.  
Pike and the rest of his crew couldn’t understand how and why Harrison would surrender unconditionally at the mention of the torpedoes, and as quietly as he did.  
Pike looked over to Spock as he and McCoy went down to the brig.  
“I want a medical done on him.” Pike said, and McCoy nodded.  
“Remember to press hard.” Spock offered non-committedly; his mind working on other things.  
Both McCoy and Pike looked to him, seeing he wasn’t going to offer anything else, looked to each other with a shrug.  
“Sounds like superman to me.” McCoy muttered.  
  
“Hold out your arm, I’m going to take a blood sample.” McCoy asked.  
Harrison complied, and McCoy found out what Spock meant by needing to press hard; his skin was tougher then nails!  
Harrison had eyes for Pike. “Why aren’t we moving…Captain…?” He asked, seeing the stripes, he added the necessary command, when Pike did not answer, he continued. “Allow me to guess; an unexpected malfunction? Perhaps in your warp core that conveniently strands you on the edge of Klingon space?”  
McCoy gaped at him. “How’d you know—?” He tried.  
“McCoy,” Both Pike and Spock said at the same time.  
“I think you’d find my insight valuable, Captain.” Harrison continued.  
Pike ignored him; he had enough insight from Spock.  
“Tell me what you find.” Pike commented, once McCoy was finished.  
“ _Ignore me, and you will get everyone on this ship killed._ ” Harrison warned.  
Pike stopped dead. That was a new one. Pike looked back to Harrison, and decided to entertain this thought. “Oh? And why’s that?”  
Spock wasn’t stopping him, and McCoy was already gone.  
Something about Harrison irked him right off; that smirk of his had to go.  
“The truth,” Harrison started.  
“What truth?” Pike asked, annoyed, here this person he did not know was speaking in the same damnable riddles his First Officer always spoke in.  
“23.17.46.11. Coordinates not far from Earth: If you want to know why I did what I did, then go take a look.”  
 _“Okay… now that you’ve gotten rid of my Chief Engineer, anyone else you want off the ship?” Pike had asked._  
“No sir. There is a reason for Mister Scott’s leave.” Spock had said.  
“The official one; or your official one…?” Pike responded.  
“Both, sir,” Spock replied.  
Pike blinked, if he knew Spock well enough (probably not as well as Jim ever knew him), he could gander where Scotty was now.  
“Give me one reason why I should trust you.” Pike said with a frown.  
“I can give you seventy-two; and there are on board right now.” Harrison stated. “I suggest you open one up.”  
The goddamned torpedoes!  
  
Pike had enough of not being told what was going on. “We’re opening a torpedo.”  
“Wait, hold on! Are you out of your minds!?” McCoy said alarmed, pinning Spock in it as well, stopping his pacing on the bridge in front of the view screen. “Without Mister Scott on board, who else is exactly _qualified_ to pop open a four-ton stick of dynamite?!” McCoy continued his rant on the bridge.  
“The Admiral’s daughter seemed interested in the torpedoes; she is also qualified.” Spock announced, throwing them a proverbial bone to hurry them up.    
The rest rounded on him. “What _Admiral’s daughter_?”  
“Carol Marcus, your new Science Officer.” Spock said.  
Pike groaned. “When were you going to tell me this?” He asked.  
Marcus’ daughter was on aboard; that couldn’t bode well, for either them or the mission. Why would Spock let her on board?  
“Right now, as it became relevant to tell you.” Spock said.  
  
McCoy was yet again ranting. “ _Damn it, Spock! There shouldn’t be a torpedo!_ ”  
Spock humanly rolled his eyes, while Pike groaned. “Just do as you’re told, McCoy.” Pike said; Pike then looked to Spock. “Why can’t you just tell us, what’s in them?”  
“Because you will not believe me even if I were to tell you.” Spock replied.  
Alarms went off as the torpedo armed itself, trapping McCoy’s arm.  
“Pull out the device opposite McCoy.” Spock replied in a hurry to get Carol to realize what she was looking at.  
“ _Shit!_ ” Carol swore, and then the countdown stopped.  
“… _Uh, sir….You’re gonna wanna take a look at this. Spock; tell me what the hell I’m looking at!”_ McCoy said his voice startled.  
  
Pike was ready to pinch between his eyes.  
There were frozen people in all the torpedoes, from three-hundred years ago.  
“…Why are there people inside those torpedoes!?” Pike demanded.  
Spock didn’t answer.  
“Because I put them there,” Harrison replied, making Pike look up.  
“Who _are you_?” Pike demanded.  
“I am a remnant of a time long past: Genetically engineered to be superior so as to lead others to peace in a world at war: We were condemned as criminals, forced into exile; for centuries we slept, hoping that when we awoke things would be different. But as a result of beings of the future capable of destroying planets, your Starfleet began to search distant quadrants of space more aggressively than before. I alone was revived; ‘John Harrison’ was a fiction created once I was awoken by your Admiral Marcus, to help advance his cause.” Harrison replied. “To conceal my true identity, my name is Khan.”  
Pike stared, only believing as Spock had yet to call him out on his would-be lie. “Why would a Starfleet _Admiral_ ask you for help?” Pike asked.  
“Because I am better,” Khan reasoned.  
“Better? Better at what…?” Pike asked.  
“At everything,” Khan responded. “Alexander Marcus needed to respond to an uncivilized threat in a civilized time. And for that he needed a warriors’ mind, my mind; to design weapons and warships.”  
“You are saying that you’re suggesting Admiral Marcus violated everything he vowed to uphold!” Pike said angrily.  
“He wanted to exploit my savagery!” Khan said equally as angrily. “Marcus used me to help him realize a military Starfleet: he sent _you_ to use those weapons then he purposefully crippled your ship in enemy space, leading to one inevitable outcome: The Klingons would come searching and you would have no chance of escape. Marcus would finally have the war he talked about; the war he always wanted.”  
“No….” Pike started pacing in disbelief, “No.”  
But Spock wasn’t contradicting him.  
“You opened fire on a room full of innocent people—” Pike started.  
“Marcus took _my crew_ from me!” Khan said while turning away. “He used my friends to control me! I tried to smuggle them to safety, but I was discovered so I had no choice but to escape alone, I had every reason to suspect that Marcus had killed every single one of the people I hold most dear. So I responded in kind,” Khan turned to look to them. “My crew is my family, Pike, is there anything you would not do to for yours?”  
Pike felt Spock twitch, while the full brunt of what Khan was saying came into light.  
  
There was a noise to indicate communications. “ _Proximity alert, sir. There’s a ship at warp heading straight for us._ ” Sulu’s voice came through.  
Pike blinked out of his stupor. “Klingons…?” He asked.  
“At warp…?” Khan contradicted. “We all know who it is.”  
“ _It’s not coming at us from Qo’noS.”_ Sulu replied.  
Pike slowly moved away then started running, barely hearing Spock order Khan’s movement to Sick-bay, with six security guards.  
  
The _USS Vengeance_ was huge: Several times bigger than the _Enterprise_ herself.  
Marcus appeared on the view screen.  
“Admiral Marcus, we weren’t expecting you.” Pike lied, suddenly very angry with the man in front of him, how could he just let go of everything he vowed, just to start a war no one needed?  
It made no sense; though what _did_ make sense was Spock’s animosity towards the man.  
“And I wasn’t expecting to hear you had taken Harrison into custody in violation of your orders.” Marcus responded.  
Spock looked between the two men, and would have liked to be kept out of the discussion, but wasn’t sure if Pike would leave him out of it.  
“…We had to improvise when our warp core malfunctioned, isn’t that why you’re here, to assist with repairs?” Pike asked, not looking to Spock, and leaving him out of the conversation; who knew how many people he had saved from listening to Spock from the get go, and who knew what would happen to the Vulcan should Marcus come to know Spock had done this mission before.  
If Pike knew anything from Vulcans is that they knew loyalty, Spock was still loyally and faithfully going on what Jim had ordered him to do during the very same time.  
Pike was damned if he was going to let that go. Let anything left of Jim Kirk go from memory.  
Pike wouldn’t let Spock go on the basis of his loyalty to a friend who no longer lived.  
  
Sulu’s monitors beeped. “Sir, they’re scanning our ship.” He said quietly.  
“Something I can help you find, sir?” Pike asked, pretences dropping slightly.  
So, that was why Spock had Khan moved, perhaps.  
“Where’s your prisoner, Pike?” Marcus asked, his dangerous tone levelling.  
“Per Starfleet regulations, I’m returning… _Khan_ …to Earth to stand trial.” Pike announced.  
Marcus slumped to one side. “Well, shit, you talked to him.” He said. “I took a risk when I woke him up, believing his intellect would help us fight at whatever came at us next.” Marcus looked and glared at Spock, who in-turn held no power of his glare back of his own.  
 _Danger_ , glared at Pike in the face at the standoff.  
“What was this whole mission about, sir? Fire missiles into Klingon space, end seventy-two lives and start a war in the process?” Pike demanded, getting Marcus’ attention off of Spock and back on him.  
“ _He put those people there!_ Give him to me, so I can end what I started, I’m asking for the first and last time!” Marcus shouted. “It’s my job to see that no one else dies because of him! Lower your shields and tell me where he is.”  
Marcus knew he wasn’t in the brig, so Pike knew he couldn’t say that, nor would he say his proper location.  
“…He’s in engineering, sir, but I’ll have him moved to the transporter room right away.” Pike said.  
“I’ll take it from here.” Marcus replied, ending transmissions.  
  
“Sir…” Spock tried.  
Pike held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t lower those shields, Mister Sulu.” Pike started.  
“Aye, sir,” Sulu responded.  
“Give me a way to get back to Earth, now, Mister Chekov!” Pike ordered through the relay. “Can we warp?”  
“ _We_ _could seriously damage the core!_ ” Chekov’s voice replied.  
“Can we do it, or not?!” Pike responded.  
Chekov gave out a frustrated sigh. “ _Yes, but I wouldn’t advise it!”_  
“Noted,” Pike said and turned the relay off. “Mister Sulu, set a course for Earth.”  
“Yes sir.” Sulu responded, and turned around to set in the course.  
“Punch it,” Pike ordered.  
  
Spock was immediately up, and everyone noticed.  
“Captain, you need to immediately evacuate decks one through twelve up from section three to nine to E and Q.” Spock demanded.  
Pike blinked, but nodded, and alerted those sections to evacuate to other sections immediately, with a puzzled frown.  
Then the lift opened, and Carol was standing there.  
“Permission to come aboard…?” She asked frantically.  
“What is it?” Pike asked; his frown still present.  
“He’s gonna catch up to us, and when he does, the only thing that is going to stop him from destroying this ship, is me, so you have to let me talk to him.” Carol said in a rush of words to get them out quickly.  
“Doctor Marcus – we’re in warp he can’t….” Pike stopped, suddenly what Spock just did made sense.  
“Yes he can…!” Carol defended.  
“Mister Sulu, as soon as you get unidentifiable readings; I will need you to drop us out of warp immediately and divert all power from the warp core away safely and switch to auxiliary power." Spock further demanded.  
Sulu blinked, as he was just going to note to Pike he had those readings, but quickly turned back around and did as he was told.  
Spock saw Pike’s and Carol’s frown.  
The _Enterprise_ was soon out of warp, but so was the _Vengeance_ who gave no immersions to destroying the side of the _Enterprise_.  
People screamed as they were fired upon.


	5. Darkness Fades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'll just leave this here and get out of here so you can guess until the cows come home who it is.

Chapter 5 – _Mu’gel-‘es spoh’s_  


_Slow the clock that’s ticking loud; I feel that time is running out; and all that’s left to do is let it wind down. Where do I even start, to_ _pick_ _it up when it’s all falling apart? Where do I even start? Why does it seem so hard? Opened the door into a nightmare; wish I could go back home._

  
Red alarms sounded and blared and every corner of the _Enterprise_.   
“Where are we!?” Pike demanded.   
“Shields dropping, all weapons systems are offline!” Sulu started, “We’re twenty thousand kilometres from Luna.”  
The _Vengeance_ continued to fire into decks that had been previously evacuated (not that Marcus knew that).   
“Captain…! Everyone on this ship is going to _die_ if you don’t let me speak to him!” Carol insisted.   
“Uhura, open a channel!” Pike demanded.  
Carol turned around the face the view screen. “Sir… It’s me, it’s Carol!”  
  
The _Vengeance_ immediately stopped firing, and Marcus appeared on screen.   
“…What…are you doing on that ship?” Marcus demanded.   
“I heard what you said; you made a mistake and now you’re doing everything in your power to try and fix it…. But….Dad, I don’t believe that the man, who raised me, is capable of destroying a ship full of innocent people…and if I’m wrong about that, then you’re going to have to do it with me on board!” Carol insisted.  
Marcus stared at her. “Actually, Carol, I won’t.” Then beaming lights surrounded her, and she looked to Pike and Spock for help.  
Spock could not help her, nor prevent her from leaving, neither could anyone else.   
“Without authorization, and in league with the fugitive John Harrison, you and your crew went rogue in enemy territory; leaving me no choice but to hunt you down and destroy you.” Marcus said, and then looked to his weapons tech. “Arm phasers.” He said.  
  
“Wait, Admiral!” Pike called out, making sure to put himself between Marcus’ view and Spock. “We were following _your_ orders! My crew were only acting on my orders and _mine alone_ , to perceive how I interpreted _your_ orders! If I transmit Khan’s location to you now, I ask you spare them all.” Pike responded.  
Marcus sat there stunned for a minute. “Wow,” He admonished, then huffed. “If it’s any consolidation to you Pike, and to your crew, especially _one in particular_ , I was never going to spare them, too many witnesses, too many potential awkward conversations; my preference when dealing with a difficult situation was always to leave a clean slate: _Fire._ ”  
Then transmissions dropped out.  
Pike looked to Spock, who seemed to be waiting on something, everyone else was looking to Spock expectantly, as if he would offer a way to get them out of the mess they had found themselves in.  
“Spock—” Pike started.  
“Their weapons have powered down, sir…” Sulu said in amazement, and everyone looked to him.   
“ _Enterprise!_ ” A familiar Scottish voice came through, making them all turn to the source. “ _Can yeh’ hear me?_ ” Scotty asked.  
The crew would have cheered if they had any idea what was going on.   
“Mister Scott, how in the devils name, did you get on that ship?!” Pike demanded.   
“ _Jus’ following the coordinates Mister Spock gave me. Sir, guess what I found behind Jupiter!_ ” Scotty continued to call back, making them all look to Spock, whose eyebrow rose.  
  
 _“I snuck on this damned ship, and considering I’ve just done an act of treason against a Starfleet_ Admiral _I’d really appreciate getting OFF this bloody ship, now beam me out!”_ Scotty demanded.   
“We’re low on power at the moment, Mister Scott, we’ll be a moment.” Spock replied for Pike.   
“…. _What do you mean_ low on power _what ‘ave yeh’ done to the_ Enterprise?” Scotty demanded. “ _Och…_ _! Call you back!”  
_ “Mister Scott!”  
His line went dead.  
Pike turned to his crew, more specifically, he turned to Spock. “How’s the ship?” He asked.  
Spock looked to Pike, from what Sulu had said before, he could surmise the damage. “Our options remain limited; we cannot run nor can we flee. However there is one option I can think of.” Spock said.  
This got Pike’s attention. “Oh?” He was hoping Spock wouldn’t regret telling him something he knew, he could tell the rest of the bridge crew were curiously listening to hear whatever Spock had to say.  
“I beam over there and bring Admiral back here in custody, and bring Mister Scott and Doctor Marcus back as well.” Spock said completely deadpanned.   
“You beam—? We don’t have power to beam you over there!” Pike insisted.  
Spock blinked at him blankly. “My device does.” Pike blinked as if he had enough. “Lieutenant Uhura, patch Mister Scott back through.”  
Uhura blinked. “Yes sir.”  
“Meanwhile take Khan back to the brig.” Spock said.  
  
Spock hurried to gather his weapons belt with his ship's communications device, as well as to hurry to his quarters to gather his beaming device he had made again and used on Nibiru. It would be relatively easy once Scotty rang back.   
“ _You want to do WHAT?!”_ Scotty’s voice near on screamed into the communicator as he ran throughout the _Vengeance_.   
“I want you to access the nearest operable computer to tell me of your location within the ship so I may beam to your location.” Spock repeated calmly.   
“ _Are_ _yeh’_ _insane, sir?”_ Scotty bit back. “ _I wanna get off th’s ship, not have you on it!_ ”  
“Indeed, as we are low on power and cannot beam you or Doctor Marcus back, we also need to incapacitate Admiral Marcus further.” Spock relayed.   
“ _Yeh’_ _mad,_ ” Scotty replied. “ _Darn right insane._ ”  
“Can you, or can you not?” Spock replied.   
“ _Hold on yeh_ _’_ _mad bastard! I’ve gotta find the right controls and hope to whoever isn’t watching doesn’t find me!_ ” Scotty raged back.   
“On your mark then,” Spock replied. Spock was utterly calm while Scotty seemed to be having a mid-life-crisis.   
“ _You do…remember…they’ve locked me access out and will have full power in ten minutes?_ ” Scotty asked.   
“Indeed, which in time we need to do as much as we can.” Spock answered. “Is that—”  
“ _Don’t tell me! I’m getting there! Just a wee bit more!_ ” Scotty huffed. “ _You don’t have people following yeh_ _’_ _ass…!”_  
Spock blinked at the idioms used, and couldn’t understand them as his friend was no longer by his side to tell him what they meant.  
  
“ _Alright yeh_ _’_ _mad bastard, sir, I’m in the section control. Just be expecting you, sir…?”_ Scotty asked.   
“Just me, Mister Scott,” Spock confirmed.  
Soon enough Spock went from one ship to another, making quick work of yet another of his beaming’s capabilities as the device starting smoking; he had only expected to use it with Nibiru in the first place.   
“ _Spock, what exactly are you doing to do with Marcus?_ ” Pike’s voice rang through Scotty’s communicator.  
Scotty looked apprehensively towards Spock, and held out the communicator so it would catch his voice.   
“Incapacitate him and bring him, Mister Scott, Doctor Marcus and myself back to the _Enterprise_.” Spock replied.   
“ _As you were, Spock,_ ” Pike answered and the line dropped out.  
Spock turned to Scotty and handed him his spare phaser. “We will meet resistance.”  
Scotty gave him a look and checked his phaser and saw it was already set on stun.  
  
They met the minimalized crew and stunned them when they could, knocked them out when they couldn’t, making their way up to the bridge, as they did the power for the _Vengeance_ came back online and with it they started to run.  
Storming the bridge both Scotty and Spock stunned the remaining crew, whilst in the confusion, Spock ran at Marcus and dropped him with a nerve pinch, stunning him once more for good measure, and then returned to stunning the remainder of the bridge crew.  
Once they were all downed, Spock turned to Carol. “Doctor Marcus, are you ready to leave?” Carol blinked in her stupor; then looked to her father. “There will be a trial.” Spock confirmed.  
Carol nodded. “I’m ready to leave.”  
  
It all ended rather more peacefully then what had Spock remembered. Khan was back in the brig, Carol was back on the _Enterprise_ , Marcus was downed (and staying down), the _Enterprise_ was—  
suddenly the lights went out, as before they could take out Marcus’s crew they had managed to land more hits on the _Enterprise_ ’s still cleared sections, as well as levels of Engineering Spock could not have cleared.  
Spock had quite forgotten the warp core he had off line, which was by now misaligned. Spock cringed of the idea of going into the same reactor that had once killed his friend; even when it was safely off.   
“Mister Scott, with me,” Spock said, and hurried out of the bridge.  
Scotty blinked in confusion then ran to keep up, leaving a confused and alarmed bridge crew behind.   
“…Is he going to fix the problem?” An officer asked.   
“I’m guessing he is,” Pike sighed. “Hold on, this’ll get bumpy!”  
  
Spock had heard Jim once use the term “it was a jumping-maze in there!” to recount his venture to the engineering deck. He could not quite understand at the time, until now he thought more clearly as the gravity failed he was sometimes half way up a wall, or on the upsides of the walkways itself.  
They had reached engineering, with Chekov in tow.   
“The warp core has been offline?” Scotty marvelled, checking his reading, and then turned to the stoic Vulcan, who seemed reluctant to go much further.   
“We don’t have to redirect power?” Chekov asked.   
“No, laddie, Mister Spock turned it off before it went critical.” Scotty said out loud.  
Chekov looked to Spock, a little stunned. “‘Zis happened before?” He said, eyes widening.  
Spock nodded. “We need to realign the cores and then set the power back on, before the _Enterprise_ is caught in the Earth’s atmosphere.”  
The two humans saw Spock flinch at the door, not that they knew why.   
“Whelp, hang ho.” Scotty said to Chekov.   
“Aye-aye…” Chekov said warily.  
Spock continued to eye the door.  
  
 _“You better get down here….Better hurry…” Scotty had said.  
“Open it.” Spock had demanded.   
“The decontamination process is not complete. You’ll flood the whole compartment: the door’s locked, sir.” Scotty replied.  
 **Desperation – Loss – Non-acceptance – Non-belief – It shouldn’t end like this – There has to be another way:**  
But there hadn’t been any other way._  
  
The three of them manually realigned the warp cores, and Spock couldn’t be more glad to get out of there before he got in there in the first place.  
“Turn it back on.” Spock said to Scotty.   
“Yeh’ bet your ass….” Scotty muttered as he worked on the console.  
Soon the warp core was back online, and the _Enterprise_ sailing above the clouds of San Francesco;  
Which was not at all decimated by the, then, incoming Khan-driven bodice of the _Vengeance_.  
Pike sighed as he slumped in his chair. “I’ve got one hell of a story to tell…”  
  
  
Pike made a heavy case with backed up evidence against Admiral Marcus for Admiral Barnett and the other holding members of Starfleet.  
Some too stunned to comprehend what had happened, not when video evidence of Marcus condemning the crew of the _Enterprise_ for something they had not done, as well as for trying to start a war by as far as crippling said ship on the verge of the Neutral Zone. As well as Section 31, that would have still been whole had it not been blown up with the _Kelvin_ archives.  
Barnett suddenly snapped his head to Spock, laying him down with a stare, which Spock withstood.   
“Commander Spock,” He addressed Spock for the first time for the duration of the hearing thus far.  
Spock stood forward, aware of Marcus’ glaring eyes on him, as well as the stares from the rest of the Admirals. “Yes sir?”  
“Did or did this not happen with you?” Barnett asked.  
Spock blinked. “Yes sir.”  
Everyone’s (minus Pike’s) eyes bulged.  
“You did not see fit to mention beforehand.” Barnett accused.   
“Sirs, would you have willingly gone on what I said, and perhaps shown without evidence it would happen now?” Spock replied.  
Barnett and the rest of the meeting blinked, and conceded; they too would have hoped once would have been enough.   
“In your time, had it come to war?” Admiral Komack sneered.  
Spock looked to him directly. “No sir, we were able to prevent a war between the Klingons and the Federation.”  
“…How?” Barnett continued, glaring at Komack for interrupting, who glared back.   
“…We lost many a crew in our attempts to return to Earth when the _Vengeance_ fired on us repeatedly, our warp core offline – we fell into Earth’s gravity, quickly followed by the _Vengeance_.” Spock recounted.   
“And what of Admiral Marcus…?” Komack interrupted again, ignoring Barnett’s dangerous glare.   
“He was killed by Khan.” Spock continued, the majority flinching.   
“That’s enough; I’ve heard enough. Take him away.” Barnett ushered a hand towards Marcus. “Be sure to know, Marcus, you are to be shipped to a penal colony and stripped of your Starfleet title and rank influence.”  
Marcus had looked absolutely murderous, as he was led out by several hounding security guards.   
“What of Khan and his crew?” Barnett asked Spock.   
“He was put back into cryosleep along with his crew; locked away.” Spock said.  
It had been a job to down Khan, once especially he knew what was happening; but he went down after a few thousand stuns and several nerve pinches, Spock was not unharmed in the fight and had to deal with McCoy’s grumbles as he fixed the several scrapes and fractures.  
Barnett nodded. “Make it so.”  
  
With the heavy damage sustained (only a minimal loss of life when the hull in engineering was breached) to the _Enterprise_ , the crew were grounded until the ship could be ready to fly again.   
“Spock…!” Spock heard a familiar cry, stunned he turned around to see his mother flying at him, and in quite a human moment she wrapped her arms around him.  
Spock blinked in surprise, but then brought up one arm around his mother. “Mother,” He replied, and then looked for Sarek. “Father,” he continued, seeing him walk up to them.  
Spock had quite forgotten he had sent that message to Sarek and Amanda all that time ago.  
Amanda pulled away from Spock to look at him, and more importantly, into his eyes. “How are you?”  
“I will adjust, Mother.” Spock replied coolly.  
Amanda smiled, “Of course.”  
“And I’m a monkey’s uncle.” McCoy’s grumpy voice intoned, and Amanda looked behind Spock.   
“Doctor McCoy!” She greeted happily.   
“And you, Ma’am.” McCoy greeted back, noticing the flinch she took to him calling her such.  
Spock was glancing to McCoy. “I was not aware you are an uncle, Doctor.”  
McCoy grumbled. “Aren’t you the same as ever,” Spock blinked at him. “It’s a human saying, Spock; it means I’m calling out on a lie.”  
Spock blinked again. “Vulcans do not lie.”  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “Of course, but what about half-Vulcans…?” He replied heavily.  
Spock was saved from answering as Amanda started to giggle. “That’s enough you two.” She managed to say.  
  
It had been a few days, and every project Marcus had was shut down, or put to a better use, he himself was shipped out to a penal colony never to be heard from again (if Spock was inclined to hope).  
When suddenly something caught Spock’s hearing.   
“Spock…?” Amanda called.  
No, it wasn’t his mother calling him.  
Spock had turned to the side; as if the noise was coming from that direction; would be louder should he turn to it. The noise seemed to be repeating, sometimes a little louder, sometimes fainter, but not enough for him to actually hear it.  
Amanda and Sarek both noticed his heavy frown as he tried to hear what he could not hear.  
Then all of a sudden the noise receded, but not quite stopped,   
then with a burst of power;   
  
_“_ **Spock…!** ”

And Spock knew no more.


	6. Chase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Now that we've got Into Darkness over and done with, perhaps we can get something done? Hah! This chapter is my longest in this series by far, my apologies for the ending of the last chapter, I'll let you decide. In my opinion I kinda like this chapter. Well, I've liked the previous ones as well, trying not to be biased here. (It's not working!)

Chapter 6 – _A’was_

_Now this is where you_ _find_ _out what you’re made of; the hero in your heart will never leave your side; locked within right until that moment you give up; I bet you didn’t know the hero in your heart; has strength beyond the known and never leaves your side._

 

Amanda knew she was going to go grey with worry if no one told her what was happening. She looked to Sarek, and for the first in his life, she had seen, he was worried.  
“What happened?” Amanda stated again, already sick of hearing herself say those words.  
Sarek looked to his wife. “I do not know.”  
Amanda would have glared at him, had she not known he was incapable of lying.

“So what happened?” McCoy asked, only getting a rushed explanation from Amanda that he needed to come over.  
“It’s Spock.” Amanda started, grasping McCoy; she dragged him into the house, and into the room where Sarek had put him.  
“I am perfectly sure doctor McCoy is capable of walking himself, Amanda.” Sarek announced.  
Amanda glared at him.  
McCoy needed no one to tell him why he was needed as he already had his bio scan out and turned on.  
“He just collapsed…” Amanda started.  
“Give me a rundown of what happened before he collapsed.” McCoy said, as he ran the scanner a-long.  
“He wasn’t responsive to us for five minutes prior.” Sarek intoned, frowning at them all.  
“Like he couldn’t hear us,” Amanda continued.  
  
Amanda was seriously going to go grey if McCoy now was the one who didn’t talk.  
“Well…?” Sarek asked, knowing from experience that Amanda was going to start, what was the human saying, ‘knock heads in’?  
“…If I was gander to say what I have from my scanners, I’d say he’s suffering from an unimaginable amount of shock….” McCoy himself was frowning.  
“….Huh?” Amanda was the first to say, words failing her.  
“Exactly, Ma’am,” McCoy announced, still heavily confused, while looking to his scanners.  
Sarek would have sighed. “We’ll need to wait until he wakes up.”

  
**_Spock…!_**  
That voice was ringing around, like an echo that stilled in his mind.  
Spock himself struggled to understand where the voice came from, and more importantly, _how_ said voice could call him out.  
It was not possible for that voice to be calling his name.  
For the person it came from had stopped being nearly a year ago.  
  
His name in his voice kept repeating in his mind.  
 _Kroikah! Stop!_ His mind said; it was not possible.  
How could it be possible?  
It was not.  
It never should be; it was physically impossible!  
He, and his voice, had stopped to be a year ago.  
  
 _Spock…!_  
How could he be calling him?  
He couldn’t be calling him; he couldn’t.  
  
Though, if he were allowed to be hopeful, and not illogical hoping it was just his mind conjuring his voice; he would hope he could hear his voice.  
What if that was the reason; he wanted to hear him, so he did?  
But what if it was the opposite, and not just totally impossible, what if Spock _did_ hear his voice; what then?  
The repercussions were unjust.  
 _He was dead!_  
But he heard him calling him… And if he knew anything about himself (which he was inclined to think he knew a lot of), he would be inclined to find said voice, whatever the repercussions of trying to find that voice; he was sure he would know only more pain.  
Jim….  
Suddenly his mind opened up, and all he could hear was his name repeating itself in a mantra, one he couldn’t stop; and he wasn’t quite sure he wanted it to.

“…Jim…!” Spock unknowingly said as he near on flew out of the bed he was lying on.  
Two human voices near on screamed as he did so, and backed up in fright.  
Spock blinked at the sudden extra noise and blinked when he turned his head to see his parents and McCoy, in which both Amanda and McCoy looked frightened, while Sarek had a frown.  
Spock blinked again, not quite knowing what to say, nor understanding why McCoy was there.  
He looked to the other side, the noise was gone, and he felt himself frowning again.  
He had stopped…  
“Spock…?” Amanda asked carefully.  
Spock looked back to her quickly. “Mother,” He intoned, still frowning in a lot of confusion.  
“What happened, Spock?” Amanda asked firstly.  
Spock looked back to the other side. “….I heard…” He said, and almost looked as if he was trying to hear it again. “…But it is gone now…” He sounded almost hurt that he could not hear it again.  
McCoy looked bewildered. “Heard what, Spock?”  
  
Spock looked back to them, still looking utterly bewildered him-self, but there was conviction in his eyes. “I heard someone try to call out my name.”  
“What do you mean, try?” Amanda asked.  
“As in, it first started out as white noise, then got steadily louder, he only said my name once loud enough to, I’m assuming, force me unconscious, considering I woke up here, and doctor McCoy is here.” Spock surmised.  
“You could tell the gender of the voice?” Sarek asked.  
Spock nodded. “I would be able to tell it was him.”  
Sarek frowned, while McCoy and Amanda looked bewildered. “You could tell who it was?”  
“Though I am not sure how it is possible,” Spock muttered, still thinking, and not quite with them, almost trying to strain his hearing to hear him again.  
McCoy threw up his hands. “Who was it!?”  
Spock blinked, not at all perturbed by McCoy’s antics. “It was Jim.”  
  
The three stared at him.  
“…You…heard…Jim…?” McCoy said slowly, as if he couldn’t quite understand.  
“I do not understand it either.” Spock said in a low voice. “But it was his voice; I would not mistakenly mix up his voice for another.”  
“You are sure?” Sarek asked.  
The humans felt the room go that little bit colder as Spock blankly stared at his father. Amanda looked between them nervously, her hands tightly together fidgeting.  
“Yes.” Spock confirmed sternly.  
The room did not warm back up, not even when McCoy made a brave move (which Spock allowed) and stuck one round bio medical scanner to the side of his head. “McCoy,” Spock warned.  
“Hang with me, Spock.” McCoy said, while missing the glare Amanda gave Sarek and the eyebrow raise from Spock at them all.  
“I do not ‘hang’, Doctor, as I am sitting, while your feet are firmly on the ground.” Spock said.  
McCoy groaned. “Aren’t you back to normal, it means stay put and don’t move.”  
Spock flinched and stayed still. “May I ask why?”  
“Because you’re hearing dead people,” McCoy grumbled back. “And if he isn’t dead, I’ll be killing him.” McCoy certainly didn’t miss the raise from Spock's vitals. “Sarcasm, Spock, it was sarcasm, calm down.”  
  
“It coincides,” McCoy spoke up, and they all looked to him. “Spock suffered enough shock to force him unconscious, hearing someone you haven’t heard from in a year and as well as be that someone who you think is dead, will do that to you.”  
“Wait, are you seriously suggesting…” Amanda tried, and failing to continue.  
“Either we have a dead man walking, or someone able to use a voice of a dead man.” McCoy grumbled. “I’m not comfortable with this, Spock.”  
Spock looked blankly at him, almost saying he wasn’t comfortable with it either.  
Suddenly Spock’s mind came to a screeching halt. “Marcus.”  
They all blinked at him. “What?”  
Spock looked to him, not completely able to shut out emotions ruling his eyes; there were still the conviction and still the slight confusion, but now there was underlining fear. “Marcus,” He repeated.  
“What about him?” McCoy asked.  
“What did you do with Khan’s blood?” Spock asked suddenly.  
McCoy blinked bewilderedly. “I tried it on a dead tribble…” his voice suddenly low.  
Neither noticed the backwards and forwards glances between the two by Amanda and Sarek.  
“And what happened to that tribble?” Spock continued.  
“It came alive—you can’t be serious!” McCoy near on yelled causing the Vulcan’s to flinch. “Sorry,” he responded to the flinches, and brought his voice back. “Are you seriously out of your Vulcan mind? This happened before Khan woke up!”  
Spock blinked, his mind whirling. “It may not have, and would coincide with my now hearing Jim’s voice.” He said.  
“You’re suggesting that Marcus was able to keep Jim quite for more than a year afterwards, is that what you’re suggesting?” McCoy near on raged in frustration.  
“I am not suggesting anything, doctor; I am going on what I know.” Spock said.  
It made them all flinch when they remembered that Marcus was a known thing, and the Federation had nearly two years more experience with this scenario in Spock’s memories.  
  
“Then what are you suggesting, Spock?” Amanda asked.  
He looked to her. “I’m going to go find the carrier of the voice.” Spock announced, and looked about ready to jump ship and leave.  
“Hold it!” McCoy said sternly, making Spock look to him. “You can’t just go gallivanting around the planet trying to find a voice you can’t hear anymore!”  
Spock blankly stared at him. “No, but I can retrace its steps on how far away it felt when I heard him. And if it leads me, half way around this world or further; I will follow it until I find it.”  
McCoy groaned. “It still begs the question why _you_ and _you alone_ heard him! Stubborn Goblin,” McCoy grumbled, taking the medical device from Spock’s face.  
“I do not know why either.” Spock said in a small voice.  
“You did not know?” Both Sarek and Amanda said nearly at the same time, making McCoy look at them astounded, while Spock raised an eyebrow.  
Amanda blinked in confusion, looked from Spock to Sarek. “Is that possible?”  
“Is what possible?” Spock asked, completely bewildered by his parents.  
“Theoretically, it should not be possible to ignore it for such a long time,” Sarek started, continuing when Spock looked to him blankly, not understanding what he was saying. “When we met you and Jim on the _Enterprise_ , you had a bond with him. I discounted it when you were children for many reasons.” Sarek said straight forward, while Amanda nodded in agreement.  
They all watched as Spock looked as if Sarek had just said the most impossible thing; both eyebrows disappeared under his hair line, as he looked to Sarek bewilderedly, then frowned.  
“We did not.” Spock said confidently, he had never bonded with Jim; he would have known that, surely. Several factors go _in_ to making a bond.  
“Uh, dear, you did.” Amanda said. “It was how you knew Jim had run off from McCoy. And how you could silent communicate so easily.”  
  
Spock had valid reasons for both these points Amanda brought forth; he knew Jim well enough that any time spent in a medical facility needed to be short, and when no one was looking, he would soon bolt for the exit no one used, he only knew where Jim would be because he had moved the trays out the way so they wouldn’t hit the door as it opened. And also, they knew how to read each other was because they had spent three years trying to do so, after all the kidnappings and hostage situations they got themselves into, it made it easier to avoid situations, or make it easier to talk without talking if they could read subtle changes in their bodies.  
Not because of a bond.  
Spock had never initiated a bond with Jim.  
Unless bonds could form without touch to be formed, then he would agree with both his parents’ claims.  
  
Spock brought up these pointers to Amanda and Sarek, while McCoy had that small smirk on his face which showed up whenever he was watching an argument, and he had dibs on who he knew would win by a long shot.  
“Then how can you hear him, now?” Amanda pointed out, frustrated with Spock.  
Spock blinked. “I do not have an answer for this, as I have said.”  
“If there was a bond, would you have been able to hear his voice?” Amanda continued.  
“Theoretically, yes, _if_ , we were bonded, which we weren’t, and _if_ we were bonded, such a bond would have perished at the time of his death.” Spock replied blatantly.  
Amanda smiled, as if she caught a trap. “Then how could you hear him?”  
If Spock would have been permitted to sigh or groan in frustration he would have done so, but instead he heaved a puff of air outwardly.  
“We were not bonded, and it would have died with him, when he _died._ ” Spock reiterated again.  
“…But you heard him…” Amanda started.  
“Amanda.” Sarek called, with it Amanda looked to him, noticed the look he was giving her; in turn huffed and sat down with her arms crossed. “This is not helping,” He continued not any way perturbed by his wife’s childish antics. “There have been cases when one bondmate has suffered a near death experience; the other bondmate felt the bond break, however, the one who had suffered the near death experience will still retain the bond; it will be weak, but strong enough to call out to the other.”  
McCoy knew by now he was quite forgotten, but he didn’t mind, this whole scenario he would laugh at for years to come.  
“You are forgetting, Father, that Jim and I were not bondmates to begin with.” Spock said with a suffered tone.  
“Satisfy your mother’s curiosity and look for one.” Sarek said; which made Amanda look to him in surprise.  
  
Spock shook his head, but complied.  
He knew where to find it, should he have such a bond, as he knew where his previous bond to T’Pring was held within him; it had only took one video call to her to convince her to break it, she had not needed much convincing (none at all), she had even thanked him (he made this choice solely based on now that T’Pring and Vulcan were alive that she would do what she had done in the previous timeline, and choose Stonn over himself; the un-denying factors had always been there from the start now he knew what to go back and look for; and of course, Spock didn’t like her, either).  
However, should he have such a bond with Jim; he really had no idea when it would have formed, as he had never initiated making one.  
He remembered when Jim innocently told him of his counterpart, he had a _T’hy’la_ as well as the in-tilted bonding, and he could gather very much how it had hurt to lose that person, as he had lost him twice.  
He sank further into his mind, further behind all his shields, to the location to where such a bond would be held should he have one. He looked around; there was nothing here.  
Until one last turn he was suddenly blinded by a flash of golden light.  
Spock almost recoiled from how much light he had just found; it was almost like a greeting of something he had forgotten and shoved away.  
Which, in such essence is what he had done; not that he could remember doing so, nor why he would want to in the first place: Why would he leave this light in the back of his mind and forget about it, lay it to waste?  
Once the golden light died down, he was able to see what exactly it was. It looked like a golden thread wafting in the non-existent air, almost as if afraid to be anything more; bigger or smaller, after all it had laid there not being recognized for so long. Not as if it could be any smaller, it had shrunk to such a size it looked helpless.  
Spock couldn’t help but stare at it.  
Jim’s colour was gold, always had been, and always would be.  
It was a bond; it was his and Jim’s; and he was very much afraid to touch it.  
  
So many things could go wrong with touching it. Spock was very much afraid that if he touched it, it would disappear altogether; recoil in retaliation of finally being recognized too late. (…Could bond strands do that?) Spock didn’t have the answer; he would need to touch it, in the hope it did not vanish completely from his sight. Never again would he want to ignore such a goldenly bright strand.  
Slowly and surely, Spock brought up his hand forward towards the golden strand, hoping it wouldn’t disappear from him altogether.  
As soon as he touched it, it lit up and swamped Spock’s senses like a tidal wave he couldn’t (nor wouldn’t) stop. It ricocheted around his entire being so much the thought of why he hadn’t done it sooner came fleeting across his mind after the mess the golden light left trailing behind it. With his touch he unknowingly brought his own mind into the strand; he could later find evidence of himself in the bond (as he could now no longer call it a strand as it was bigger than such a small thing, but could not think of what to call such a thing but a long interweaving golden straight braid).  
Once the light died down again, joyous of finally being recognised and joined, Spock could see a colour he long identified himself as, blue, was now woven into the braid which connected them to each other.  
As such a thing, he knew the colour he identified his friend, his Captain and his _T’hy’la_ with was the very same golden colour; he looked to where their bond went outward to connect to his other.  
It was Jim; his essence was the only golden hued he knew.  
He was somehow alive; he shouldn’t be as surprised or shocked as he was, seeing as his _T’hy’la_ surviving death before (but never from such a case that he had been _cremated_ and a remembrance placed for him; never from one year).  
He followed the bond until the edge of himself, and sent himself as far as he could, in a try to reconcile.  
Suddenly a rush of warmth swamped him, like an incoming flagship.  
 ** _Spock….!_**  
  
Such a response made Spock lose all his air in his lungs (and if he outwardly showed such a sign, he was sure McCoy would be freaking).  
It was Jim’s voice; it reverberated around his soul and the bond glittered up and pulsed joyously.  
It still brought up several questions, when did they accidently make such a starting bond? Why could Spock not remember making it, and once he did, shove it to the back of his mind to forget about it?  
When?  
  
 _“What does it feel like to feel **nothing**? Not to feel **heartbreak** , or the urge to stop at **nothing** to stop the person who killed the woman who gave **birth to you!** You feel **nothing! You never loved her!** ” Jim’s voice rang out angrily, not a moment before Spock retaliated in kind enough to near on kill him.  
_T’hy’la…!  
 _Suddenly as he heard the scream in his head, he suddenly shoved the thought away, shoved whatever it meant to the back of his mind, and his haze dissipated; he let go of Jim. Reeling, from something he couldn’t remember doing as well as the thought he had almost killed someone._  
  
Spock himself almost keeled over from so much pain he could feel from himself, and as suddenly what Jim must have felt at the time; he made the connection just as rapidly. It was then the bond was created, it was then he unknowingly nearly killed his _T’hy’la_ who had cried out at him desperately, he suddenly knew now how and why he stopped (Uhura at the time said his father called out to him, Spock held no memory his father called his name). Pain flared at the thought, he had almost _willingly_ nearly killed Jim…!  
Just the same it made sense why Spock had no knowledge of the bond; it was frightened of him, just as much as Jim may have been very much frightened of him at the time. Perhaps forever afraid of reaching out to him in that way; he himself had caused harm as so many others who should not have. It so much proved it remained the same even after Jim had been revived; Spock still hadn’t felt it repair itself when Jim woke up again, why he still didn’t acknowledge it after the remembrance of him and throughout the year afterwards.  
Spock fought back dangerous tears.  
Jim didn’t even know of the bond; being a psi-null being and the bond being so small and frightened, Spock very much doubted Jim knew of it or its sudden repercussions.  
Spock understood more now why he hated seeing anything happen to Jim, and why he wanted to stay by his side no matter what; yes they were friends in the Terran tense, but above all else, they were _T’hy’la_ of Vulcan tense.  
  
Spock was sure of himself, when he found Jim, he would be sure to apologise, and hope it was enough, he was almost positive the bond _purred_ at him, almost to say he already was. And he was very much sure that whoever stood in his way of finding Jim, and those responsible of hiding him, of staging his death, would know to fear to be between a Vulcan and their bondmate.  
Spock wouldn’t stop to growl at them to get them to move, he would make them move out his way, forcefully, make them give whatever information he needed to get to Jim, and it was their repercussions should he injure them had they injured Jim.  
If Spock had to go half way around the planet, off the planet to some distant planet he knew nothing about he would go, and he would find Jim, no matter what it took, no matter where it led him; he would find Jim.  
He would find his _T’hy’la_.  
And he now had a bond to follow straight to him.  
  
Spock knew not how long he had closed his eyes to certify his bond. He opened his eyes to see the anxious-worried face of his mother.  
“Spock…!” Amanda said, seeing his eyes open.  
“Mother,” He greeted with a nod to her.  
“Are you okay…?” Amanda asked cautiously.  
“I will be well, mother.” Spock replied.  
Amanda blinked. “You….will be?”  
Spock nodded. “I need to find Jim.”  
Amanda frowned and looked to Sarek for a quick second then back to Spock; she had caught the cautious look Sarek had given her and to McCoy who was behind her. McCoy wasn’t quite sure what to be cautious off, but he was.  
“…Did you find a bond?” Amanda asked still cautious of him.  
If Spock no longer wanted to talk to her, he could very well take off if he wanted to. He could very well do anything if he wanted to find Jim, especially if he found a bond linking him to Jim.  
Spock nodded, and Amanda moved backwards as fast as she could, taking a bewildered McCoy back with her; he had no clue what was going on. But Amanda and Sarek knew Spock could get dangerous if he wanted to.  
“And….?” Amanda prompted nervously.  
Sarek had told her stories before of how dangerous a bondmate was without the other. It never went well for the interposing party, no matter their reason; if you did something they deemed detrimental, they would see red in a need to protect what they held as theirs.  
Amanda really would hate to see Sarek or Spock fly of the handle like that; but at the same time she could feel no love for the people who took Jim away, nor would she feel sorry for them.  
Spock swung his legs off the bed to settle them on the floor.  
“There is a bond between Jim and me.” Spock announced.  
This solidified both Amanda’s and Sarek’s caution, only relieved a little at the fact he was taking the time to talk to them, while only increasing McCoy’s level of confusion.  
“And what do you plan to do now?” Sarek asked.  
Spock got off the bed to stand, at that, Sarek immediately edged in front of Amanda, and that of McCoy who was still behind Amanda.  
He would say he was rather confused when Spock made no movements, and almost frowned at him. Sarek could categorize the look of determination in Spock, but it was not taking over.  
“I am going to find Jim.” Spock repeated calmly.  
Amanda herself was confused as to why Spock was still in front of them, speaking no less but not making any threatening moves. Amanda could very much say she would be glad if by the end of this whole thing she still had her family intact and alive.  
  
Spock was still frowning at Sarek, not quite understanding why he had moved to put himself between him and Amanda and subsequently a very confused McCoy.  
Spock so-humanly cocked his head; perhaps Sarek thought he would see them as a threat? That was very much ludicrous, as his parents wouldn’t hide Jim, nor be instigators of his captors. Perhaps Sarek thought he would see McCoy as a threat? That was also ludicrous, as Spock tolerated the doctor because he was a friend of Jim’s, and Spock knew it would go against his nature to belong to a group that would make everyone believe Jim dead.  
Spock saw none of them a threat, but they perhaps thought he would.  
  
Amanda blinked at the frown and even looked surprised when Spock cocked his head as if to regard them confusedly.  
“Spock…?” She asked, noticing the cautious and confused look Sarek gave her.  
Spock’s gaze immediately snapped to her, then looked to McCoy. “I will need your help.”  
This surprised them all.  
  
Spock single-mindedly let himself out of the dwellings they were staying in, following his bond to wherever it led him to.  
Sarek and Amanda were still as cautious as ever, and would stop behind him a few steps (always nearly making McCoy trip over them) when Spock would stop dead, then change course just as suddenly.  
“Why are we walking around like we’re on egg shells!?” McCoy grumbled after the fifth stop, confused as ever as Spock took them down an alleyway in an unknown street in San Francesco.  
“Spock is looking for Jim.” Amanda replied quietly, Sarek still in front of her.  
“I gathered this from the many times he repeated the statement.” McCoy said.  
“Let’s just say we don’t want to be the guys in-between him and Jim.” Amanda said going for the direct route.  
McCoy blinked and nearly tumbled over her as they stopped again.  
“What? Will he see us a threat, or something?” McCoy dismissed the idea entirely.  
“He may do.” Sarek said for the first time.  
  
Spock could hear them perfectly, he was rather annoyed they would think so, but he knew there would be no love lost between whoever he found between him and Jim, but they wouldn’t be the ones to be there.  
“You are not a threat.” Spock called out, surprising them all. “I do not perceive any of you as such.”  
“Not that I would like to believe you Spock, but how can you be sure of this?” Amanda asked.  
Spock looked to them suddenly. “You would not hide Jim.” He said confidently. “Nor would you say in complete truth you would hide him under the pretence he was dead.” Spock continued then looked back to the ground he was standing over.  
“That’s solid, right?” Amanda said Sarek.  
“Enough for him not to hurt us, yes,” Sarek replied, “Not to anyone else, however,”  
Amanda looked proud, and was the first to go over to Spock, ignoring Sarek’s still cautious look.  
“What are you looking at?” Amanda asked, standing next to him, and looking down to the concrete.  
“…He’s down there,” Spock said, fixated on the spot.  
Amanda blinked. “Then we’re going to need to get down there.”  
  
Suddenly, Spock looked left to the building beside him, and everyone followed his gaze. It was an office and a warehouse combined into one building, but also looked like it hadn’t been used in a long time. Spock walked towards the building, and then started to follow it.  
“He sort of reminds me of a homing pigeon.” McCoy said.  
Amanda hid her smile behind her hands, while Sarek raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Please refrain from drawing conclusions between myself and Terran animals, doctor McCoy.” Spock replied tensely.  
“It probably isn’t the best time, doctor.” Amanda replied.  
“Right, egg shells…” McCoy mumbled.  
  
Spock had followed the building up the alleyway, until they met the next main road over, then turning left along the building, he still followed it.  
“What’s he trying to find?” McCoy grumbled.  
“I’m guessing an entrance, of some sort.” Amanda replied.  
In all their wanderings, they hadn’t come across a door, or any other entrance.  
Sarek and Amanda could tell Spock was getting edgy, going in the opposite direction then where he wanted to go in.  
They followed the building along the road, and there still was no entrance; they followed the buildings side until they found themselves in another alleyway.  
Suddenly Spock stopped dead, causing Amanda and Sarek to pause and McCoy to nearly fall over them again.  
“Damn egg shells.” McCoy mumbled.  
  
They all followed to where Spock was looking.  
It was a fire escape ladder, leading up into an upper story window; though there was no way to reach it from the street they were in. But Amanda and Sarek could see him already thinking ten steps ahead.  
Spock could get up to the up ledged ladder, even it were _humanly_ impossible; it wasn’t impossible for a Vulcan.  
  
Spock walked until he was directly beneath the ladder, while the trio stayed where they were; from there he jumped, and was able to leap onto the ladder at its very highest and climb up to the first of many turns in the fire escape. Spock then looked down to Amanda, Sarek and McCoy looking up at him, seeing them and knowing the two human’s wouldn’t be able to follow, and Sarek wouldn’t leave them alone, he looked for the latch to lower the ladder, finding it he released it, and was already climbing to the next turn up the escape.  
  
Sarek didn’t need to ask if Amanda wanted to go up, she was already giving him the ‘don’t you dare ask me’, look and took the ladder once McCoy was up, Sarek mentally sighed as he kept his eyes downward just to make sure they weren’t being followed and to also escape his wife’s fury; she wasn’t exactly dressed to climb in.  
No one was following.  
“Sarek,” Amanda called, hearing her, he knew he could follow without repercussion to his person.  
By the time they had reached McCoy and Spock at the escape window, Spock was already studying the glass, as if he thought it should burn for being in his way.  
“It’s locked,” McCoy supplied, then as suddenly, Spock smashed the window in. “Never mind.”  
Spock hand picked out the jagged edges of the remaining glass, and then entered, only to clear the glass in the flooring to one side with one boot. He went to the other side to let McCoy through.  
  
With the power off, they very much doubted the elevator worked, but Amanda tried and remained none surprised when it did not work, she shrugged when McCoy gave her a frown.  
“Less we can say we tried and didn’t take the stairwell for no reason.” Amanda replied, and McCoy shrugged.  
The Vulcans of the group were already skulking out where the stairwell was, one going in one direction, and the other in the other direction. There were no lights, and only their sight led the way.  
“We’ve been left.” Amanda surmised seeing her family no longer in her sight.  
“That figures, let them do the walking until they find the stairwell.” McCoy said. “Because I can’t see anything here, and I’d rather not get bruised from walking into things.”  
Once they had moved further away from the windows they couldn’t see anything.  
They found themselves back in Sarek’s presence when he came back.  
“Not in that direction,” He replied.  
“See which way Spock went?” Amanda asked.  
Sarek nodded and led the way he saw Spock go in.  
  
They came across Spock who had his hand against the wall; he seemed frowning at it.  
Spock then put his hand through the wall and easily pulled out several wires.  
“And now he’s a technician.” McCoy grumbled as Spock tore open the wires and matched them with each other. “I suddenly feel that much safer.”  
Amanda frowned at him, as suddenly as Spock’s last twist in wires the emergency lights came on.  
“I take it back.” McCoy said defensively when Spock looked to him with a frown.  
With the emergency lights on, they were able to find the stairwell; however that wouldn’t be the last of their worries.  
  
Their last turn in the well had junk piled up high in front of what looked like debris from a collapsed wall.  
Amanda and Sarek gave a step back when Spock gave out a growl; even with his strength he wouldn’t be able to hold up the entire building if it decided to collapse around him if he moved any part of the rubble.  
They were only half way down in the building, and already they needed to find another way down.  
They quickly got out of Spock’s way when he decided to back track to the lowest door they had passed.  
  
The door led to an office floor bathed in the green glow of the emergency lights.  
Spock followed the wall until he passed the elevator (Amanda tried the switch again, and was remained unsurprised when it didn’t work), to the other side of the building, to where astonishing there was another stairwell, where there wasn't one on the previous floor.  
“Weirdest escape route, _ever_.” McCoy commented.  
“Indeed.” Spock intoned as he pushed the door open.  
He was getting closer that much he knew.  
They were on the last stair corner when Spock suddenly keeled over and it forced out an uncommon pained yelp as he did so, one hand grasping his head, the other trying to find the railing to keep himself upright.  
“Spock…?” The two humans near on yelled in alarm.  
  
Spock felt the sudden eruption of rushed pain, as if he had suddenly run full power into a wall, he was quite sure he may have given out a sound of pain, but he couldn’t be forced to remain caring. He knew where the pain was coming from, and he did not like it at all.  
As suddenly as the pain came over it dissipated, however Spock was disinclined to think the feeling would ever quite go away.  
Spock was pretty sure his parents or McCoy were talking to him, but he couldn’t quite hear them, as he looked up, seeing the last door, he ran for it and almost brought the door of its hinges as he pushed them open.  
They were on street level, and he needed to go under.  
  
By now Spock was pretty sure he was blocking his parents and McCoy out as he looked for a way for the building to have sublevels; the only way he could see to get down would be by the elevator shaft, he made no comment as he stalked over to the doors and peeled them open. The elevator had not stopped here one quick look up he could see the elevator had stopped at the level above; however looking down he could see the floors he could not get to, quite ignoring the safety ladder he jumped down to the very bottom, landing off to the side, and not on the olden springs used for the elevator. There he stood up and forced the doors open.  
  
They watched as he jumped down.  
“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.” McCoy said.  
“He is not,” Sarek intoned.  
McCoy groaned as he took hold on the ladder and scaled down it in time to see Spock forcefully open the elevator doors into a dark hallway.  
“Can’t see a darn thing,” McCoy mumbled coming to stand next to Spock looking into the hallway.  
Spock lifted himself up onto the floor and lifted himself into the hallway, only to turn around to lift McCoy up next. Just as Amanda and Sarek came down the ladder, Sarek followed, and lifted Amanda into the hallway.  
  
Spock turned to the wall behind him next to the elevator, and with a hand ran over to find the wires in them, to proceed to put the lighting back on.  
With the lights on, Spock was off running down the hall, McCoy following, with the rest following at a humanly pace.  
They knew with the closer proximity Spock would be less inclined to speak with him and more inclined to getting to Jim, it was an estimate to how close they were if Spock thought he could run straight to him.  
  
McCoy had come to find Spock first halted at a door, almost as if afraid to set foot in it; looking to McCoy he pushed the door open, and they were forever sure they would never forget the sight that they saw, nor could they quite forget the broken sound that escaped Spock at the very same time.  
 _“Jim….!”_


	7. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what happens when my mother nags and begs me to put up the next chapter, so, uh, I'll just leave this here, and....find a rock to hide under, or something....

Chapter 7 – _Afer-tor_

_And the wind will rise up to fill my sail; so you can doubt, and you can hate; but I know no matter what it takes, I’m coming home; tell the world I’m coming home, let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday; I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes._

  
What McCoy and Spock had stumbled into looked suspiciously like a hospital room from a rundown 21 st century building and left alone to be forgotten about.  
There were tiles missing from the flooring, and holes in the roof; the lights were giving off a dimmed yellow shade of colour that bathed the whole room in showing the peeling drywall and plaster.  
There was only one occupant in the room, on a bed that was better suited for the scrap yard. That one occupant was not moving besides the subtle forced-through-pain breathing the body forced itself to make; his eyes closed, his arm hooked up to an old I.V stand that was feeding him some kind of faint purple coloured liquid.  
For all intense and purposes, the occupant should not have been alive at all, having ‘died’ over a year ago.  
“… _Jim..!_ ”  
Spock’s cry brought McCoy out of his staring contest with the room, and he soon rounded on the suddenly even more distressed Vulcan as it was.  
 _Eggshells_ , his brain reminded him, as he caught the Vulcan as he stepped closer.  
  
“Spock,” McCoy called.  
Spock looked devastated, and hadn’t even noticed the room, nor cared for the dangers.  
“ _Spock…!_ ” McCoy called again more alarmed as yet again the Vulcan seemed not to hear him, but finally and painfully Spock looked to McCoy as he stood in front of him. “I need you to listen to what I say, very carefully, understand?” McCoy started, full on alarmed and worried Spock would not listen. Spock nodded, “I need you not to touch him,” Spock blinked. “I don’t know what’s going on here, nor what’s in the drip, for all we know touching could hurt him.”  
Spock reacted in such a way, McCoy would have thought he would have gotten whiplash; Spock literally straightened up, and his hands immediately went to hold each other behind his back, almost as if he did not trust them to be in front of him.  
McCoy eyed him. “Alright…?” Spock nodded in such a distressed way; McCoy couldn’t help be concerned, and almost relieved that Amanda and Sarek were still outside. “I’m going to see to him now, okay?” He started, treating Spock like he would himself if he found Joanna in such a state; Spock nodded and with one wary eye still on the Vulcan he went to check the damage, knowing very well he would have a third and fourth shadow belonging to said distressed Vulcan. Damn eggshells.  
  
McCoy immediately knew Jim (Jim! It was Jim!) was in the state he was, because of whatever the purple liquid was in the drop drip was doing to his body, and he had really hoped it wouldn’t be what he really didn’t want it to be.  
He stepped closer to the old I.V stand to the bag of liquid that was being released at an obnoxious rate into his friend he thought (and believed) to be dead. He turned the bag around to see its name and he felt his blood run cold at its name.  
It was very much his worst fear.  
And he was very much glad Spock was able to listen to him.  
“Son of a…” McCoy almost swore then checked the machinery to see if it held backups of previous use time and dosage.  
  
“McCoy…?” Spock spoke from where he had planted himself once he heard the doctor tell him to stay, only speaking once he was overwhelmed when McCoy had not elaborated why he cursed.  
McCoy looked almost spooked, and Spock repeated his question, which made McCoy look to him.  
“It’s not right,” McCoy almost spat out verminously, then went back to working on the machine, eggshells be damned.  
“What is not right?” Spock asked with a frown, not fully understanding McCoy at the moment. “Our situation, or what led us to this situation?”  
“All of the above, and so much more; I’ll let you deal with whoever is behind this, I’ll damn well try and kill them.” McCoy responded pulling out specs carefully from the machine.  
“What are you doing?” Spock answered, not understanding why McCoy was still on the machine.  
McCoy gave a tense look to Spock then pointed to the purple liquid. “See this?”  
Spock frowned. “My ocular functions are not impaired, I can see it.”  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “This stuff is called _cruciamen_ - _verum_ , and by the looks of it, by its color and how long it’s been running, it’s gonna get messy.” McCoy said while dropping the machine’s specs to ruffle through his med-bag.  
Spock continued frowning. “From the words—”  
“What it damn well means is someone has drugged Jim up, hooked him up to this because they wanted him to literally tell them the truth, and when he didn’t he suffered.” McCoy ranted, still ruffling.  
  
Spock violently flinched, and carefully looked at his _T’hy’la_ , there were no wounds; but that did not mean he was not carrying any in his mind.  
“Is he in pain?” Spock asked fearful of the answer.  
McCoy pulled out a hypo, and quickly scanned the ingredients, he still by instinct kept them all on to avoid Jim’s allergies. “Not when I give him this, you,” McCoy looked from his hypo to Spock, who blinked. “See if you can find some more bags, I’m going to need them.”  
Spock knew better then to question McCoy, so he nodded and set out to pull the room apart (doors and shelving in them, as well as cabinets) to find them, ignoring when he heard the hiss of the hypo-spray being used and the sub-sequential yelp of pain from his _T’hy’la_.  
On the second last cabinet he near on pulled the door of his hinges. “I have found only three.”  
McCoy huffed. “That’ll have to be enough; damn this is gonna get tricky.”  
Spock gingerly picked up the bags and forced his attention back on McCoy, “How so…?”  
“ _Cruciamen_ - _verum_ is a…homemade…torture drug, it is illegal to make and administer.” McCoy said, trying to be careful. He very much saw Spock flinch. “Give those here, I’m going to need them so we can wean him off, he’s been on it for as long as this machine remembers; so I can say right from the start.” McCoy continued.  
Spock wasted no time giving the bags over. “How will he be once he is off it?”  
McCoy sighed. “Your guess is as good as mine.”  
  
Spock and McCoy turned to see Amanda stifling a muffled distressed yelp from behind her hands as once she came into the room and saw its contents; Spock could very well see the starting of her tears.  
The eggshells were on her now, McCoy figured, Spock now had a reason for channeling whatever they all needed to by cautious over, but Amanda did not.  
Amanda looked too shocked to move.  
Sarek took one step into the room, reprised the situation; then said, “I will find the nearest exit,” And walked off.  
“Mother,” Spock started, not quite sure how to comfort her, when the scenario did not comfort him at all.  
Amanda looked to Spock, fearful for his reply. “Will he be okay?” She asked, tears now rolling down her face.  
Spock looked to McCoy who nodded.  
Amanda gave a little whimper then retreated after Sarek.  
  
Spock let himself look again to Jim.  
His face ashen, as he had not had direct sunlight in perhaps since he ‘died’, Spock was quite sure he would give all of himself just to see Jim’s blue eyes open and smile jubilantly at him once more.  
Jim did not look in pain, though Spock could consider that because of McCoy’s hypo.  
“How is he now?” Spock asked, still looking and categorizing Jim.  
“I’ve put him to sleep; he won’t feel pain: though maybe you can use your voodoo hobgoblin power’s to attest to that.” McCoy suggested.  
Spock didn’t spear the minute to glare at McCoy, instead wary. “You said touching would hurt him.”  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “And I’m pretty sure I just said he can no longer feel pain for at least two hours, was the longest duration hypo I have on me that he isn’t allergic too.” McCoy grumbled.  
  
Spock was a little afraid that what he would feel in Jim’s consciousness, wouldn’t be Jim at all; either the year of constant pain or the drug he was forced on could very well change a person: he had hoped very much his _T’hy’la_ was strong enough, and no matter whoever was on the other side of the link, he would still very much be his Jim.  
  
Jim’s mind was lulled, either due to the pain relieving hypo McCoy used or the drug pulsating in Jim’s system, however, Spock’s mind very much still knew Jim’s, and his bond would have solidified further from himself to Jim had Spock allowed it to, but he was very much perturbed at this. Spock had never been this close, nor melded with Jim when he was unconscious or in a heavy drug-induced state before, so he could not tell where Jim in his mind actually was, nor had Jim’s mind like usual jumped up to meet Spock’s consciousness. It very much worried Spock when he could not find his _T’hy’la_ by the skim of their meld; as going any deeper would be invasive and he was very much not inclined to do such.  
  
“His mind is lulled,” Spock reported back.  
McCoy nodded. “The hypo I gave will do that. While you were doing your voodoo, I found this.” McCoy said from the other side of the room, he had pulled the remaining door that Spock hadn’t gotten to destroying in his search, he had found a corridor.  
Spock looked cautiously from Jim to McCoy; he did not want to leave Jim.  
“I’ll stay with Jim if you want to check what’s down there.” McCoy reassured.  
Spock gave a quick nod and rushed off, determined to get the corridor’s secrets out as soon as possible. It might prove to hold documents that had information on who exactly had been holding Jim here before they made themselves scarce.  
  
The corridor had doors coming of it, the corridor itself led nowhere.  
Spock looked in every one; they held all the same furniture as they were all office cubicles; trashed and unused.  
Except for the last one Spock checked; which was not destroyed and held a functioning olden computer.  
Coming around the olden Terran computer Spock noticed it was still on and functioning, however it was password protected and Spock didn’t have time to bypass it.  
Looking around again he saw a pin board that had sheets of flex paper pinned to it.  
Spock felt himself growl as he saw every page held the late Admiral Marcus’ signature; he pulled down every single of them, not caring that the tacks flew everywhere to read what the papers said.  
Orders from Marcus dating back the previous year, depicting orders to get information out of Jim by any means necessary; Spock would not destroy the papers in his hands but he very much wanted to, as anger made its presence known.  
Spock very much hightailed out of the room and back to his _T’hy’la_ ’s presence.  
  
McCoy looked up when he saw Spock come back in the room while stilling a hovering medical wand over Jim, and noticed the papers. “You’re back. You’re parents found the exit, and I’m pretty sure your mother is the scariest human I know; she called Starfleet and chewed them out, then your _father_ chewed them out! They’re on their way now, and we can leave, if you can get Jim.” McCoy announced, tucking his wand back into his med-bag with one hand and the other reaching for the I.V bags poll.  
Spock nodded and moved towards Jim as McCoy removed the sheets and froze in sync with Spock. “…And you’re gonna have to remove…them…too…” McCoy muttered; pointing to the olden Terran handcuffs, then took the papers from Spock.  
Spock broke all four restraints gently and easily, then when McCoy nodded, gathered Jim tightly to himself and lifted him off the bed and close to his chest while McCoy took hold of the I.V poll that was attached to Jim.  
“I want to never come back here again.” McCoy burst out as they left the room.  
  
“Spock…!” Amanda cried coming up to them from the other direction of the corridor, she looked very much pained. “I’ll take you to the exit; from there Starfleet said they can beam us directly to their hospital.” Amanda continued.  
“And they can’t now?” McCoy huffed.  
“Signal interference, or something.” Amanda replied, looking confused.  
  
Within five minutes they were out the exit, with Sarek and a swarm of sirens and Starfleet officers, then from one extreme to another they were gone from the loud noises and into the calm noises of an inside hospital.  
“Come on; let’s get him a room before more shit hits the fan.” McCoy muttered, leading the way to the nearest nurse, then the nearest medical room.  
  
Shit, apparently _did_ hit the fan. But when, Spock wasn’t exactly sure, nor could he bring himself to remember.  
He had his _T’hy’la_ back. It had been a couple of days since Spock first heard Jim cry out, and he was glad that he was in the too familiar medical room, the white walls better than the dull yellow walls he had found Jim in. Though, sometimes, Spock was scarce to believe that if should he close his eyes for a too long of a period of time, his _T’hy’la_ would simple vanish and leave him again. Spock gave Jim a once over again, stopping his mind from consciously reaching out to Jim’s comatose one; Spock would have liked nothing more than to wrap himself around whatever consciousness he could find within Jim and never let it go for the longest time. Spock had yet again found him-self reluctant to leave Jim’s side, while Amanda smiled warmly at him when he mentioned it, and McCoy threw up his arms in frustration and the reprimand to him to not make himself ill as well.  
McCoy had explained (once he was sure Spock had calmed down enough to have the conversation; Spock was sure he spoke to Amanda first and asked about eggshells), the reason for the extra purple fluid bags that was still flowing into Jim’s body through the drip line. The illegal truth-or-hurt drug, if used for a long duration of time, would make the person it was used on being dependent on said drug; and the only way to relieve Jim of the dependency would to be slowly reducing the high amount by decreasing the amount as fast as Jim’s body would allow.  
  
Spock had his fill of Starfleet and he could literally hear Jim’s complete and total laugh at them. He had made sure the computer he had found in the lone corridor was to be hacked and searched of its contents; Starfleet and what was left of the higher Admirals were furious to find out more evidence towards Marcus being an instigator by the evidence they already had, half who had been talking to Spock were almost half glad the man was not on Earth no longer as they were sure if he were Spock would be inclined to find him and possibly kill the man. The Federation was still trying to access the computer in case they should find another person on the inside working for Marcus to keep Jim under, they were sure if they were found on Earth by the Vulcan he would surely have every right to kill them, and they wouldn’t stop him.  
  
He was inclined to believe Pike would be on his side, on whichever side Jim was on. Amanda had told him one time she had come in, that the man had been totally furious with all of the Admirals having that much leeway in what they did in their spare time.  
Every time Amanda came in to visit (sometimes with Sarek (who seemed to take up the tirade of meeting with Starfleet and continue chewing them out when he saw fit), or by herself), both whom she recognized as her sons, she came in with a sadden gaze that never seemed to dissipate over the course of her stay, no matter how long she stayed.  
Pike had not visited yet, though Spock did not hold it against the man, as he had more than enough on his ‘plate’, as Spock found out, he had to direct the refitting of the _Enterprise_ , her crew, as well as being its Captain and Acting First Officer, who was going forth between Starfleet and his ship well before he got wind of Jim’s retrieval; now he had that _plus_ all his now commitments he held for Jim, Pike had been his mentor when he was a Cadet as well as a surrogate father. Pike seemed to think (and was) doing more good, chewing Starfleet out when Jim’s other surrogate father was not.  
All in all, Spock could see Starfleet having a lot of teeth marks, and a lot of embarrassed faces looking for another person to blame; most of the blame settled on Marcus who now was looking at being on the penal colony for the rest of his days, much to everyone’s delight, including Carol’s.  
  
Jim was on his last bag they had and he was still on point one dependency, which not only worried Spock, it worried McCoy, as they had no more bags and every time he tried to stop the flow directly Jim’s body would arrest and go into shock. Jim was still comatose, as McCoy didn’t feel safe bringing Jim out of it until his body could cope. During the two weeks, Jim had not moved, and it unnerved Spock like nothing other who wanted nothing more than for him to start moving, even for his eyes to move under the lids would have been a welcomed sight.  
Jim’s mind remained lulled and his consciousness too far to search for then Spock was comfortable with as he was used to Jim’s essence to greet him far before his person did; it was the first of many signs Spock knew to raise his mental shields for, he did it unconsciously so much during the last year they were in command together that now he felt saddened at the thought of something so simple having needed to have been done, when now he would give himself for such signs to appear.  
  
  
When Jim awoke he wasn’t quite sure where he was nor where anyone else was, but couldn’t quite find himself to become alarmed. The room had changed, which was odd, he could also move his body, which again was odd. Jim opened his eyes to a boat load of pain that he didn’t quite know if he vocalized it or not before it was carried away like a breeze.  
He frowned, there was something not quite right; no he didn’t feel badly drugged or in a world of pain in the first time for the longest time, but there was something holding his right hand.  
Jim rolled his head slowly to his right, and he couldn’t quite believe what was attached to what was holding his hand. Spock.  
It was Spock.  
Jim blinked, he could know his head anywhere (as his head was the only thing he could see as he was pretty sure Spock was using his bed as a pillow), it was Spock, and Spock was asleep.  
“…Spock…” Jim croaked, having not used his voice after possibly losing it from screaming.  
Spock’s reaction was immediate, no matter where he was in sleep, at once his head was up, and his eyes were on Jim as wide as he had ever seen them; the hand he held tightened its grip.  
Jim, who had had no idea how long Marcus had him, but by the widening of Spock’s eyes in shock, he could gather it had been awhile; whether or not it had been _too_ long he couldn’t tell.  
“…Jim…” Spock breathed, Jim felt himself freeze when his eyes roamed, as if checking his vitals.  
Jim could still see the shock lingering, it was as if Spock couldn’t quite believe he breathed, which wasn’t too far from the truth.  
“Spock…?” Jim tried to say but it came out as a strangled croaking noise.  
  
At such noise Spock was up, as if he couldn’t stay still and the seat was too far away.  
“ _T’hy’la_ ,” Spock announced in a low voice as he touched their foreheads together, his eyes slid shut when he felt Jim’s consciousness back where it should be and he could feel Jim frown.  
“—still…call me that…?” Jim asked with his limited voice capacity in a low voice. Spock pulled back to look Jim in to his eyes, he himself was now frowning. “Hasn’t been….too long…?” Jim continued his voice breaking and insecure.  
“Hush, _T’hy’la_ , it will never be too long for me to stop calling you that.” Spock replied, returning to holding Jim’s forehead with his own.  
“…Never…?” Jim asked, reveling in how close Spock was being.  
Spock still had hold of his right hand, and he could feel his other hand rest on the side of his face, Spock just nodded. “Never, _T’hy’la_ ,” Spock promised.  
“How…long…?” Jim tried to ask.  
Spock could very well feel how tired just speaking was making Jim. “Hush, Jim, you need not be concerned with how long it’s been, just know no time is a constraint; _t’nash-veh T’hy’la_ , I will be here in the morning.” Spock replied quietly.  
Jim whimpered and held Spock’s hand tighter. “But, will…I…?” He asked before his blue eyes fell and he was back asleep.  
“If I have to stay awake to make sure we both stay here, I will, Jim.” He promised, sitting back down, but not letting go of his hand.  
Spock smiled a little when even Jim was asleep, he could still feel his essence there beneath his skin, relieved that he could feel such a thing, when in days past he could not.  
For the first time in the past year, Spock knew contentment once again just to be in Jim’s very company;  
in being by Jim’s side once more; a place where he would always be, come what may.


	8. Reply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, looking at this chapter I can confirm that Amanda is a total fangirl (as well as a badass), and I have absolutely nothing wrong with that and I regret nothing!

Chapter 8 – _kilko-tor_

_When the clouds will rage in, storms will race in; but you will be safe in my arms: rains will pour down, waves will crash around; but you will be safe in my arms. Castles – they might crumble, dreams may not come true: but you are never all alone._

Amanda immediately clasped her hands around her mouth to quell any kind of awe or squeal sounds that may have emitted from it, she wasn’t quite sure which would, but she was pretty sure if left unchecked there would be some type of sound coming from her mouth at the sight she now saw.  
Jim had somehow turned onto his side.  
No, that wasn’t what she would have been vocal about.  
It was what Jim had probably subconsciously done it for; Jim had turned onto his side and curled up around Spock, whose head was lying on Jim’s bio-bed.  
That; was what she would have been vocal about.  
Amanda was pretty sure it would mess up with whatever instruments Jim was still hooked up to, and she was pretty damn sure Spock would forever be embarrassed (or more or less completely mortified), should Sarek find him like that, she mused coming around to inspect more closely, _and holding hands_ ; Yeah, that too.  
She was pretty sure she was smiling at them.  
  
“Well, that’s not supposed to happen.” McCoy’s voice intruded on Amanda’s silence and made her jump in fright.  
She blinked at him in worry. “Excuse me…?”  
McCoy nodded towards them. “Jim shouldn’t be able to move. Spock’s been inclined not to go anywhere near the bed, so I can only assume Jim did it himself.” McCoy continued, and he walked around Amanda to check the machine stats. “Yeah, from what I can gather he woke up last night. Should have known better, he’s only been off since yesterday morning, should still be knocked for six until next week.” McCoy grumbled, and then looked back to Spock, who unmistakably, was asleep; that was the first time McCoy had seen the Vulcan close his eyes, let alone sleep. “At least it’s done Spock some good.”  
Having Jim back seemed to have aligned the world right for Spock and for McCoy too.  
Amanda smiled sweetly again. “I believe so.”  
  
Spock was aware there were people around him, but he was also quite aware that he had fallen asleep, and would have panicked if he hadn’t realised he was holding his _T’hy’la_ ’s hand, and his bond verified it was Jim he was nearest too.  
Now he only had to hope that Sarek was not in the room (who knew what the Vulcan would do?)  
He blinked his eyes a few times, his eyesight filling in on Jim’s arm, and face, especially his peacefully closed eyes, and, once Spock looked more clearly he could definitely see Jim’s eyes moving under their lids.  
Spock lifted his head slowly and blinked both eyelids to clear away any sleep.  
And he looked right into his mother and McCoy; Amanda looked bright and had a warm smile, while McCoy had a face of one he knew he now had blackmail: but no Sarek (or Pike).  
“Mother, McCoy,” Spock greeted, still blinking his secondary eyelids to clear away sleep.   
“Morning, Spock.” Amanda greeted warmly. “Were you awake when Jim woke last night?”  
Spock nodded as he aligned his back straight, but kept his hand clasped in Jim’s. “I was.”  
“How was he?” McCoy butted in, his PADD at the ready.   
“Disorientated, he was aware time had passed, but not the specifics of the duration, he seemed concerned that should he fall asleep he would not see me again, that too much time had passed; his voice also seemed disused and painful to use.” Spock told, watching as McCoy wrote what he said down as he spoke.   
“He was worried too much time had passed?” Amanda asked, her smile long gone, looking from Spock who nodded, to McCoy who looked grim. “He must think we’ll not want to be with him.” Spock looked at her dead on at her comment, and almost looked afraid. “We humans have commitment issues with family and friends we haven’t seen in a while; perhaps in that time we haven’t seen them, people have changed, changed too much to meet common ground again.”  
Spock still looked alarmed. “Jim wouldn’t think so, would he?”  
Both Amanda and McCoy blinked at how much worry was swirling in Spock’s eyes. “Initially, yes,” McCoy started delicately. “But you saw to that, I’m assuming, whenever he asked if it was.”  
Spock nodded. “I said it wasn’t.”  
McCoy sighed. “Even so, you and he still have the one year over us mere mortals who haven’t muddled with time.” McCoy grumbled.  
Amanda looked to him. “And you can honestly say to Jim his dying hasn’t affected you?”  
McCoy took a moment to glare at her. “That’s not the point. He’s insane if he thinks we’re gonna brush him off because he’s been away for a year.” McCoy said.   
“If he needs encouragement, I will retell him whenever he needs to be told.” Spock said firmly.   
“I second that.” McCoy agreed.  
Amanda looked to Spock. “Sarek said he would come by once he finished talking to Starfleet, today, Spock.” She said.  
Spock nodded and reluctantly let go of Jim’s hand, but did not leave the vicinity.   
  
The three looked up to see Sarek walking into the room, with what looked like a now permanent frown.   
“What is it?” Amanda asked immediately, already concerned and up in seconds to be by Sarek’s side.   
“I asked after the information they found in the computer they acquired in the same location as Mister Kirk, and I was deeply troubled by how much they haven’t been able to find out. They have asked me to discuss any specialists you can offer and take over the project.” Sarek announced, looking from McCoy to Spock.  
Spock immediately looked to Sarek. “Have they moved the computer at all?”  
“They have not, my son. They have it guarded.” Sarek responded.  
Spock was in a hurry to pull out his PADD and start writing; with it Sarek looked to Amanda, who shrugged.  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “Know of specialists, then, Spock?” He grumbled.   
“Besides the one that is currently unable,” Spock started, not looking up to them as he continued writing, but in clear reference to Jim being that specialist. “I am going to rely on people I know as the ‘next best thing’.” Spock looked to them as he stopped writing. “I am hopeful they will reply.”  
“Who are they, Spock?” Amanda asked, as Spock’s PADD alerted four incoming replies.  
With one glance down to confirm the messages, he looked back up. “Lieutenant Commander Scott, Lieutenant Uhura, Lieutenant Sulu, and Ensign Chekov,” Spock confirmed. “They will be arriving in the next ten minutes.”  
Amanda and Sarek looked to each other blankly.   
“They’re all stationed on the _Enterprise_ ; best in the field.” McCoy said brightly rocking back and forth on his feet happily.   
“And since the _Enterprise_ is grounded, the majority will have nothing to do.” Spock commented.  
This raised eyebrows, “The majority?” Amanda questioned.   
“Pulling Scott away from his engines has proven difficult in the past.” Spock recounted. “However, I have said it is urgent, he will be here with the rest.”  
“If you believe so, my son,” Sarek commented.  
  
Uhura was the first to approach the hospital’s entrance after reading an urgent message of compliance from Spock to meet Scotty, Sulu and Chekov before heading up to a ward.  
Looking around Uhura saw the three mentioned men coming up to her.   
“Hello, Lass, hope he’s got a good reason for callin’ us here; I’ve got ma’ ship to repair.” Scotty greeted.  
Sulu’s eyebrow rose. “You expect _Spock_ to call _us_ just for a _social_ call?” Sulu asked, giving an incredulous look.   
“Mister Spock is hardly the type, Mister Scott!” Chekov said indignantly.   
“Yes, yes, but whatever it is, it better be good.” Uhura said, glaring at them. “And whatever the reason, it’s not going to be ignored by me.”  
“Very true, tha’ Lass, better see wha’ he wants from us.” Scotty replied as they entered the hospital.   
“Do you think it has to do with the future, Mister Scott?” Chekov asked as he hurriedly kept pace with his peers.   
“Could be, from how generic his call was.” Sulu replied as Uhura called the main lift.   
“Whatever it is, it’s bound to knock some heads in.” Scotty put in as the elevator’s doors opened and they started to walk to the designated room number.   
“You make sure _he_ doesn’t knock _your_ head in, sir.” Chekov muttered.   
“You’ve really got to lighten up, misters, and stop speculating until we know what he wants.” Uhura called roughly, calling them to attention.   
“Yes Ma’am,” They called quietly.  
  
They all stopped dead at the door as they very much saw what the issue was.  
There was a person being attending to; a person very much they _thoroughly_ remembered farewelling near on over _one year_ ago.   
“Och, for heaven’s sake, I never meant it!” Scotty was the first to blurt out in shock as he stared wide eyed as the rest. His comment made them known to the beings in the room as they all looked to them.  
  
“Yes, it seems our Jimmy boy here was alive all along.” McCoy grumbled coming around to them.  
Uhura stared wide eyed, but managed to tear away her gaze long enough to look to McCoy, “How, sir?” She asked in a quiet voice.   
“Is—is not possible…” Chekov stuttered out, and looked to the Vulcan’s for reassurance what he seeing was truth. “Is it?” He asked them all.   
“Your eyes do not lie to you, Ensign.” Spock announced; all eyes fell to him as he got up from his seat. “And to how this is possible, for the present time we have speculations that the former Admiral Marcus held him with the administrations of an illegally created truth-or-torture drug,” Spock stopped seeing what he was saying took a toll on the human’s.   
“A…a _what…_?!” Scotty’s voice was loudest in saying.   
“A truth-or-torture drug that is illegal to make and administer.” Spock recounted, seeing their differing faces of stunned to horrified-disgust, he continued, “However there is another main reason you have been called.” At this, the four perked up, and Spock turned to Scotty exclusively. “And one that I will need you to be away from your engines, Mister Scott,” Spock said.  
Scotty looked at him incredulously. “I’d say sir,” Scotty then gestured to the unconscious Jim. “I think yeh’ introduction was enough, sir.”  
The rest stood to attention.   
“What do you acquire us to do, Mister Spock?” Uhura asked.  
Spock looked to Sarek, who nodded, and took over. “Along with the finding of Mister Kirk, there was an acquired fully functioning, encrypted computer that thus far, Starfleet has been unable to get across its files, they have asked for specialists for this task, and Spock has called you.” Sarek recounted.   
“I’m ready and willing, sir,” Scotty started a breath later, and already looking to Spock. “I’ll get yer’ your files, even if I have ta’ crack the computer open like an egg.” Scotty said with absolution, with his peers nodding in the same feelings.  
Spock blinked. “…I will require the computer to be fully functioning to be able to get access to the files, Mister Scott, ‘cracking it open like an egg’, will not—”   
McCoy rolled his eyes. “He means he’ll do his best, damn it, Spock, it’s an Earth expression!” McCoy growled.  
 _One that Jim had not explained before._  
Spock blinked then nodded, fully aware that Uhura and Amanda were trying to hide their grins. “If you are successful in, ‘cracking’, the computer—”  
Scotty nodded. “Don’t worry, sir, we’ll give you a report of what we find.” Scotty said.   
“Then I will take you to its place.” Sarek announced, and moved to leave, making the newcomers blink, having they not expected the Ambassador to be the one to show them.  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “Spock has invented himself a new glue, and refuses to unstick himself from the wardroom,” McCoy ignored Spock’s devil’s-may-kill glare. “And I can’t leave the vicinity in case something goes wrong.”  
Uhura, Scotty, Chekov and Sulu all filed out with Sarek leading the way.  
Spock turned to McCoy. “Doctor, I do not find myself glued.”   
McCoy stared at in him in disbelief. “I find that difficult to believe, Spock, as you have not stepped one _foot_ outside _this door_!” McCoy said pointing to the aforementioned exit door.  
Spock blinked in confusion.  
Amanda looked at him sympathetically. “You haven’t dear, I was going to suggest to you to leave for a while to gain some….proper…respite….” Amanda said tactfully. “You will know if and when he wakes if you are not here, Spock.” She continued once she saw the stubborn look appear on his face.  
McCoy rolled his eyes. “In any case, he won’t wake up for a few hours, go and take care of your-self in that time. If I know Jim, he’ll kill me for you not taking care of yourself, and that’s saying something I never thought I would have to say. At least go home and change your clothes? And don’t make me hypo you to get you outta here.” McCoy ended up growling at him.   
“If you say so, doctor,” Spock relented.  
McCoy looked triumphant. “And I will tell you if he wakes up and your Vulcan voodoo powers don’t.”  
Spock restrained himself from rolling his eyes. “Please refrain from calling them that.” Spock requested.  
McCoy huffed. “Not on your life! Now scat!”   
Spock left reluctantly.  
Amanda finally let out a sigh. “Now I see what Jim meant about it being hard to get him to leave.”  
“No kidding.” McCoy grumbled. “Now, be a dear, Ma’am, and do me a favour?” McCoy asked.  
Amanda blinked. “What favour?” She asked.   
“Mind being Jim’s security while I go get some sleep so the hobgoblin can’t accuse me of being a hypocrite?” McCoy asked with a huff.  
Amanda laughed and sat down in Spock’s vacated seat. “I’d love to, and I’ll message you and not Spock if he wakes up.” Amanda replied, with a smirk.  
McCoy smirked back. “Learnt something from living with devious Vulcans, huh?”  
Amanda nodded. “Sometimes it’s for the best.”  
McCoy laughed once as he left the room.


	9. Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't think there's much to say, besides there's a total amount of three f-swear words said, ironically by the same character...And that I'll be, uh, hiding from people who understand well before the bomb drops (then the people who read along and understand once it blows up) . ....And on that note... I'll go pick out my bunker! (Don't hurt me, please?)

Chapter 9 – Lafot

_Today I killed: he was just a boy; eight before him, I knew them all. In the fields, a dying oath: I’d kill them all to save my own. They wait for me back home; they live with eyes turned away, they were the first ones to see: they are the last ones to bleed._

Amanda hid her smile when McCoy was the first back.  
“Oh,” McCoy started with a snide smile. “I’ve won.”  
“I won’t pretend to know what that means.” Amanda replied in the same voice and knowing look.  
McCoy walked over to Jim’s stats on the wall, and sighed. “His vitals haven’t changed.”  
“I am most content that there is a constant steady heart-rate coming from him.” Amanda admonished.  
McCoy nodded. “Can’t argue with you there… Oh! Get this; Starfleet can’t remove the placement in the remembrance courtyard,”  
Amanda frowned, “Why not?”  
McCoy scoffed. “Can you imagine the media backlash? Not to mention the people, and the media that would storm this place. They’re already failing at handling Marcus’ drop and what to do with a cover story for Khan! Like we need more pressure already.” McCoy said as he picked up his PADD.  
Amanda hummed. “Very true; any word on who is replacing him, yet?” She asked, curiously and not because she knew the topic very well, but interested enough in the work her son’s made their way in.  
“None as yet, still a backlash on _who_ to take his place. I’ve got no one in a heads or tails race; mind you I hope they have Starfleet’s true goal at their heart.” McCoy muttered as he entered his entries into his PADD for analysis.  
“To explore strange new worlds…? To seek out new life…?” Amanda asked with a knowing glance.  
McCoy scoffed. “One that leaves us the hell alone, and out of a god damned intergalactic war!” He said as looked up to her.  
Amanda smiled. “Anonymity, huh…?” She asked.  
“I wish it were that simple. I have Starfleet up my messages every second,” McCoy waved his PADD, “all questions about Jim, and _why_ it isn’t going any faster! Like I could just get up in Jim’s face and scream at him for being comatose.” McCoy crouched.  
Amanda looked amused. “Couldn’t you though?” She asked.  
“Well….I could, but I’d rather not deal with Spock should he come to know I did such a thing…” McCoy grumbled. “Damn hobgoblin.”  
Amanda chuckled.

\--

 

It was, by far, the worst place they had been in, that much they could agree on. That, and the many security guards glaring at them, like they shouldn’t be there, (however they turned away amazingly quick once Sarek turned to them, looking at them as if questionably).  
They came to a run-down room that had been cleared of furniture (if it ever had any), but even of it being cleared could they see the damaged walls, ceiling and flooring.  
“Something went down in here.” Scotty mumbled, toeing the off bit tile as Sarek crossed the seemingly dead-ended room.  
“This was the room Mister Kirk was discovered in.” Sarek intoned, making them flinch at his meaning; while Uhura covered her mouth in shock.  
They watched silently as Sarek pulled open a passage way covered by a cabinet door.  
“Tha’ are a sneaky bunch, I giv’ ‘im tha’.” Scotty said as they walked into the passage way.  
Chekov looked behind them to see they were being tailed by a security escort, shuddered a little and moved closer to his peers.  
They entered the last room in the hall to see the aforementioned computer.  
Scotty and Uhura rounded on the desk, while Chekov and Sulu remained on the opposite side.  
“Any information, no matter how small, any names, even if it outdates or predates, you will report immediately to Spock, understood?” Sarek commented by the door.  
Uhura, Scotty, and Sulu nodded, while Chekov frowned. “A question, sir,” Chekov spoke up just as Sarek turned away; he stopped to look at Chekov and raised an eyebrow. “Um…Why the security…?” He asked nervously, his eyes going from Sarek to the man he could see in the hallway.  
Sarek blinked. “Starfleet deems it necessary.” He said, and walked away.  
“Of…of course it is…” Chekov muttered and turned back to his peers who were looking at him sympathetically.  
“Shall we get started?” Uhura asked, they all nodded and brought out their PADDs for link ups, “The sooner we start, the quicker we finish.”  
“Aye, and sooner we can finish our business with whoe’er else is in all th’s.” Scotty demanded darkly.  
“How well do you think Kirk knew us?” Chekov asked curiously as they all worked.  
Uhura smiled. “Probably just as well as Mister Spock seems to,” She said as their coding ran its course to open the computer to them. “We really didn’t have much time to find out, did we?”  
The rest shook their heads.  
“…But…we are going to, right?” Chekov asked, looking up from an equation.  
“Course we can, wee lad!” Scotty admonished. “Most likely he’ll think we don’ want ta’!” Scotty said looking up from the old fashioned keyboard for a split second to glare at the Ensign.  
“But we’re all stationed on the _Enterprise_ , once she’s up and running again, he’ll be left behind, right?” Sulu questioned as his hand flew across his PADD searching for pathways.  
“Never means we can’t get to know him now, though, Sulu, he’ll probably have enough insight to whatever we say, just as Spock does.” Uhura said.  
“It is kind of creepy when he does that.” Scotty admonished making the rest chuckle, “And when Spock knew where to find Kirk in Engineering!”  
The rest looked to him blankly. “Hold up, what?” Uhura and Sulu said at the same time.  
“Och, you guys weren’t there. After they took him to sick bay, I come across Spock, Ambassador Sarek, Lady Amanda, and McCoy in Engineering, all by Spock’s hand, apparently Jim left tha’ med bay unauthorised, then I hear a wee voice and I look up to see Jim! He was fixing tha’ ship! On an error that hadn’t shown up in tha’ reports…!” Scotty’s voice rang out.  
The rest looked amazed. “And…Spock just knew where to find him?” Chekov asked incredulously.  
“Aye; and he seemed mighty unconcerned; like it happened every other day!”  
Sulu chuckled. “He being Captain must have been a laugh!”  
“…Do you think they’ll let him be a Captain, again?” Chekov asked meekly as he finished the equation and went onto the next.  
“If they don’t, they’ll lose Spock, and most likely McCoy.” Uhura said darkly.  
“They wouldn’t do that, surely?” Sulu asked as his PADD uploaded the data.  
“Who knows? Spock certainly doesn’t!” Chekov said, as equally dark.  
“Let’s get back to reality, here; we all want to make up for time lost with Kirk, right?” Uhura started, the males nodded. “Well, when things here are being difficult, or whenever any of us aren’t needed, we go see him?”  
They all brightened at the concept.  
“I ‘ear that comatose people can ‘ear what’s goin’ on around them.” Scotty mused.  
“It’ll be good for McCoy and Mister Spock too,” Chekov piped up.  
“Agreed,” Sulu put in.  
Pact made, they shifted back into work mode and their decoding of the computer.  
  
It was not even two hours into the decoding when Chekov yelled out triumphantly. “We’re in!”  
The rest joined in the triumphant joyfully as the computer booted up and let in their access.  
Scotty let Uhura take stage as she called up what she could of the communications block. “Wait, aren’t they…?”  
Scotty looked alarmed. “Tha’s is bad.”  
Sulu and Chekov looked confused as they leaned over the desk to see. “What’s bad?”  
Uhura was busy downloading the opened communications block, while Scotty pointed. “Tha’s bad.”  
Sulu and Chekov stared wide-eyed in confusion.  
Uhura, not one second later after the transfer finished yanked her PADD from the desk and bolted from the room, quickly followed by her peers.  
They left behind a very confused security officer.

 

\--

 

Spock looked up when he heard rushing footsteps in the corridor.  
Both humans looked to him, as they had yet to hear them. “Spock?” Amanda asked as Spock stood up.  
Spock was dismissed from answering when both Amanda and McCoy heard them rushing in before Uhura, Sulu, Scotty and Chekov all ran into the room.  
“What in the world…?” McCoy asked as they all heaved in oxygen.  
“Sir,” Uhura panted, offering up her PADD to Spock and once he took it of her, she resumed heaving for breath with her peers.  
“Did you run all the way here…?” Amanda asked.  
Chekov nodded, at Chekov’s reply McCoy ran over to get them all a drink of water.  
  
They were silent as Spock went over the evidence they found; more specifically, he went over the names they found to be in communication with Marcus.  
“I know of only two on this list,” Spock murmured as he continued to look it over.  
“Oh? And there is a list?” McCoy asked, glaring at Chekov to make him sit down.  
“I have said there is a list, and on it there are only two names I recognise.” Spock recounted slowly, as it he thought McCoy hadn’t heard him properly.  
McCoy glared. “That I’m aware of! Who are they?” McCoy said with a frown.  
Spock looked up. “Gary Mitchell and Ben Finney,” Spock said.  
McCoy frowned. “Weren’t they or are stationed on the _Enterprise_?” McCoy asked, heavily confused.  
Spock nodded. “Both of which, would have something against Jim.” Spock recounted.  
This alarmed the whole room.  
“What do you mean…?” Amanda asked in alarm.  
“Ben Finney, for one, was stationed on the same training Starship with Jim, Jim took over Finney’s station, and recognised a technical fault that Finney should have, in such, Jim reported the incident as well as Finney to the board; taking Finney back to the Academy.” Spock started. “And for Gary Mitchell, he was taken of the _Enterprise_ soon after the _Narada_ incident, in an effect to save his life on a mission he would have encountered aboard, that would have killed him. He has likely not seen his removal as such, and taken the cause of his removal to be because of future advents, as such, to be blamed on Jim.” Spock finished, with his fingers curling around the PADD, which Amanda saw and saw fit to rescue the device from harm.  
“So those two have something against Jim, what about the others? What are their names?” McCoy asked, seeing Amanda take the PADD away from Spock, he could only guess what the information had done to the half-Vulcan.  
“Finnegan—” Spock stopped when he saw McCoy’s eyes go wide.  
“You can’t be serious! Him?!” McCoy ranted.  
Spock blinked. “I take it, you know him…?” He asked.  
“I knew him because Jim knew him,” McCoy started with a snarl. “He always tried getting a rise out of Jim, and when Jim didn’t take the bait, he tried more and more elaborate ways to do so. He was a year or so ahead of us at the Academy. But seemed to hate Jim for some reason; every time he tried to take Jim on, Jim would refuse, there were times he made me step down from taking a swing at the guy! I swear there were times when Jim wanted to whack him one; but I’m pretty sure Jim got him suspended from space-travel when one of his more elaborate attempts hurt Jim, and a fair few by-standing Cadets.” McCoy answered.  
Spock gave out a puff of breath. “So, logically, they all have something against Jim.” He said.  
“It would seem so, sir.” Scotty replied from his chair in the corner with his peers.  
“Do any of you know an Anton Karidian? His name is also on the list, he seems to be the ringleader who reported to and from Marcus to Finnegan, Finney and Mitchell.” Spock announced, remembering on what he saw on the PADD his mother had taken off him. The rest stared blankly, the name not known to any of them, “Hmm. We can assume Karidian as well, has something against Jim; I will try and find out more into his background and how he knows Jim.” Spock issued.  
“We will return to the computer, see what else we can find.” Uhura said as she then her peers stood up.  
Spock nodded to them in their dismissal; they left.  
  
McCoy sighed and sat in a vacated seat, looking somewhat lost. “Why does it seem Jim can’t seem to make friends?” He asked.  
Spock had sat back down in his chair nearest to Jim; with one look to Jim he looked to McCoy. “I would tend to disagree with you, McCoy, as most people on the _Enterprise_ when he captained her, would attest to being his friend or a least respect him. But before that, I cannot attest to what Jim was like when he attended the Academy; only can I assume his nature would have been against him.” Spock replied.  
McCoy frowned. “…Is that a pretty way of you saying, you and him didn’t start out as friends?” McCoy asked.  
This piped Amanda’s interest as she looked to Spock curiously.  
“We did not, McCoy…start out, as friends.” Spock said with a frown, which Amanda read that he was unhappy to admit such a fact.  
McCoy looked as if he had found the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. “Well, now! Care to tell us?” McCoy said, bouncing on his soles happily.  
Spock gave him a glance. “I would rather not.” He replied.  
McCoy scoffed. “I’ll get it out of you one day.” McCoy said with a side smile.  
“And so shall you wait, Doctor.” Spock retorted.  
  
It had been the next day when Spock felt the bond in the back of his mind slowly aroused itself; with it Spock whipped his head up to find Jim, as well as to stand up with such a fast movement caught the attention of McCoy. McCoy need not have asked what got Spock to stand up as Jim’s statistics rose to state Jim was coming conscious.  
Jim slowly opened his eyes as if they bared a very large amount of weight against him. “…Spock…?” He questioned first.  
Spock didn’t blink. “I am here, as is McCoy.” He reported.  
With his voice Jim looked to him sleepily and then looked to his other side. “…Bones…?” He questioned widely to the other side of the room.  
McCoy couldn’t help the smile his old nickname gave him. “I’m here, Kid. How’re you feeling?”  
Jim gave out a sleepy moan. “Better than I have for a long time…..Can’t argue with that…” He said tiredly. “….How long…?” He asked.  
McCoy saw the split second of alarm that passed through Spock’s eyes at the question. “Not now, Kid, you just focus on getting better, alright?” McCoy questioned.  
Jim blinked tiredly. “’Kay, Bones…” He replied as his eyes shut and sleep found him again.  
  
McCoy gave out a sigh of relief, one that made Spock look to him. “We will have to tell him sometime.” Spock said.  
“I’d rather tell him he’s been pronounced _dead_ a year when I know he can take it.” McCoy answered bitterly.  
Spock blinked. “You realise at such a time that he is well enough to retain such information he will be adept at walking, and perhaps running?” Spock asked.  
“Yes, well, that’s what you’re here for: you can use that voodoo of yours to track him down again.” McCoy said with a smile. Spock looked at him in disapproval, which made McCoy sigh again. “Look, Spock, no matter when we tell him, once he is able to walk, he’ll be out of here like a shot; I don’t want to keep him here in chains, and I won’t do that more than I can throw myself out this window.” McCoy answered. “Hopefully you’ll know some tricks to keep him here, and calmly.” McCoy prayed.  
“As am I, McCoy.” Spock replied.  
  
Amanda came into the wardroom to see the usual Jim unconscious, but Spock was frowning heavily at his PADD which he held in his lap.  
“Spock…?” She questioned, at her voice his head whipped up.  
“Mother,” Spock greeted back as she walked into the room to take in that McCoy wasn’t present as well.  
“Where’s McCoy…?” Amanda asked.  
Spock blinked. “He was needed elsewhere when a doctor called in sick and one of his patients went into early labour.” Spock replied, his frown still present.  
Amanda nodded. “So what’s your PADD done this time to warrant such a scalding?” She asked.  
Spock gave out a puff of air. “There is a media lockdown on searching for information banned from Federation-access level. I am not able to access any information they may have on Anton Karidian from my PADD.” Spock retold.  
Amanda felt her head go to one side. “You need a better PADD?” She questioned.  
“As in, I need to be able to feed the _Enterprise_ data banks into my PADD. Something I have not been able to do this time.” Spock continued.  
“This time…?” Amanda echoed as she came round Jim’s bed to sit next to Spock.  
“I do not know what method Jim made to create such a link between our PADDs and the computer banks of the _Enterprise_.” Spock pondered. “He thought it constitutive once, and made it so his PADD could link up directly into the _Enterprise_ ’s banks, upon querying his methods; he smiled and took my PADD for five minutes only to give it back to me with a direct link-up that worked outside the _Enterprise_ on any needful subject, with all clearance.” Spock finished, by so he had returned to glaring at his PADD, as if the machine was at fault for not carrying the link up.  
Amanda chuckled. “So you need to go up to the _Enterprise_?” She asked.  
Spock looked ridged. “….I will need to….” He was reluctant, and his gaze had returned to Jim.  
Amanda smiled bitter-sweetly. “Will it ease your conscience if I say I will stay here until you return?” She asked; her eyes sad. Spock looked to her, his emotions swirling in his eyes like a tidal wave unsettled. Amanda found he didn’t need to say anything to convey his worry about Jim to her; she smiled sadly again, and nodded. “I will stay with him until you return.”  
Spock blinked but nodded, he slowly got up and with one last look to Jim he left the room.  
  
Amanda lent back in her chair and sighed sadly then looked to Jim. “You need to get better sooner, Jim.” She prayed to the air.  
She looked around the room: it was sparse in its contents; the necessities in medical machines and equipment. On the opposite to Jim’s side she was on was a bedside cabinet; in the top draw she knew were ready made hypo’s to keep Jim’s intakes up and out of danger. As well on that side of the room was the old Earthen I.V stand that was not being used anymore but no one seemed to have removed. She knew that behind her was the wall display for his statistics, apart from its coloured wave the room was shades of whites and light blues.  
Amanda’s musings were brought to a stop when there was a knock on the door; she looked to see the only female Spock had called up as specialists from the day before. “Come in,” She called, and the women entered awkwardly.  
“Hello Lady Amanda.” She greeted.  
“I would greet you as warmly if I knew your name,” Amanda started as her eyes searched for a command on her shoulder bands, “….Lieutenant,”  
She blinked. “I apologise, my name is Nyota Uhura,” Uhura started.  
Amanda smiled warmly. “Greetings, Uhura.” She greeted.  
Uhura smiled, and entered the room properly to stand on the other side of Jim’s bed.  
Amanda watched as Uhura’s eyes turned to categorise the room then to Jim, Amanda could definitely categorise the differing emotions from awkwardness to confliction.  
“How is he today?” Uhura questioned.  
Amanda sighed. “If you had arrived half hour earlier we could have both asked Spock that question.” Amanda replied. “Or even earlier to ask McCoy,”  
Uhura blinked. “Spock was here…?” She questioned lightly.  
Amanda nodded. “He left to get information on Karidian, his PADD, and most likely everyone else’s has been information-blocked.” Amanda recalled.  
Uhura sighed. “Ours as well, we have been taking in turns trying to search the other names to see where they are, or anything else that we learn; dates to back up what Spock and McCoy had said if we need it for later.” Uhura reported.  
Amanda sighed again. “How is the computer going…?”She asked.  
“We hit another load of blockades, it had taken all day yesterday to take down one, there is a few that we can forwardly detect, and if one’s taking us this long we figured there has to be something of equal worth behind the others.” Uhura stated.  
Amanda nodded. “I would agree with you. So! What has brought you here, Lieutenant?” Amanda asked curiously.  
“The boys and I figured we should take the time now to get to know Kirk, as we had little chance before now to get to know him when any of us aren’t needed on the computer. I only met him once before and that was before he joined Starfleet.” Uhura started.  
This made Amanda curious, and she could guess when Uhura sad ‘boys’, she meant the males she was working with on the computer. “How was he?” She asked.  
Uhura tried very hard not to roll her eyes. “He tried hitting on me, before a bar brawl started, which now in hindsight I think he only started to get Giotto’s attention of me and make Pike aware of him, if he knew what was going to happen; I met him again the next day on a shuttle to the Academy.” Uhura reported.  
Amanda chuckled. “That does seem like something Jim would do.” She said.  
Uhura regarded Amanda lightly. “How do you know him, Ma’am?” Uhura asked curiously.  
“He was on Vulcan as a child, Spock took him in, and he was on Vulcan for several weeks before he left.” Amanda recounted as she remembered. “Which, according to them was when they were sent back in time, for a little while, I’m gathering; Jim did not retain his memories for some time, and Spock and I took care of him while I tried to find his family location.” Amanda finished.  
Uhura frowned confusedly. “Why wouldn’t Spock just tell you where he was from….?” She questioned.  
“Would you have gone on that, and not ask questions? He was barely a teenager and Jim….well…Jim…. That’s another story he may or may not want to tell you…” Amanda ended awkwardly, not really wanting to give away information.  
Uhura nodded, as if she respected her answer, she then noticed the time. “I better get going, if he wakes up, tell him I visited, yeah? Do you think Spock and Ambassador Sarek would mind if I sent a card or something? I know Vulcans don’t do sentimentality….But….” Uhura trailed off uncertainly.  
Amanda smiled. “You may send in whatever you like, just not chocolate, okay? Jim would most likely appreciate such things, and Spock will appreciate you and your friends are visiting and looking out for his welfare.” Amanda stated.  
Uhura brightened and smiled as she headed for the door. “ _Rom-halan, t’sai-_ Amanda,” Uhura farewelled and left a happily-bewildered Amanda behind.  
  
\--  
  
“Commander…!” A young voice called out to Spock as he walked the walkways of the _Enterprise_ on his way to the bridge. Spock stalled and looked to the young man who had called him.  
“Yes, Lieutenant…?” Spock questioned as the man pulled up next to him.  
“Are you on your way to the bridge, sir?” He questioned.  
Spock blinked. “Yes, Lieutenant, I was on my way there now.”  
The young man looked troubled. “Sir, the current way you’re going leads towards wreckage, you will have to take a detour around it.” He informed worriedly.  
Spock blinked again. “Thank you for informing me Lieutenant, which way does the detour route?” He asked.  
He brightened. “I will show you the way, Commander!” He said brightly and took a left.  
Spock was bewildered at why the Lieutenant couldn’t just tell him which way the route ran. Spock could safely say he had never met this man before. “If you may excuse me, your name is…?” Spock asked.  
The young man looked back to him, happy as a clam. “I’ve just been recently assigned to the _Enterprise_ as shift navigator and engineering!” Which would be why Spock had never met the man before, “And my name’s Kevin Riley, sir!” Riley finished just as brightly.  
“Thank you, Riley.” Spock returned, Riley gave him a smile and kept leading on.  
For some reason Riley reminded Spock a lot of Jim for some reason; however Spock couldn’t figure out why.  
“Why were you just recently assigned, Riley?” Spock questioned as Riley took a right to avoid a downed walkway.  
“I turned seventeen only recently, sir.” Riley answered.  
Spock’s eyebrows rose; Riley was like Chekov then, maybe?  
“Then the _Enterprise_ is your first Starship?” Spock questioned.  
Riley nodded. “Yes sir, I hope to do good being here.” Riley mused as he came up to a turbo-lift and pressed for its attention on their level. “Your ride, sir,” Riley finished with another smile, knowing Spock could find his way to the bridge from the lift.  
“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Spock replied as the lift arrived to take him to the bridge.  
“Oh, and sir…?” Riley called, for it Spock stopped the doors form closing. “I’ll say a prayer up to Jim for you.” Riley said; he then headed off back the way he came.  
The doors closed on Spock’s perplexed and surprised face.  
He was most curious, indeed; Spock couldn’t place where either the two men could have met.  
  
Spock found nothing on Anton Karidian, apart from the fact that the man ran the Karidian Company which performed plays.  
But there was nothing tying the man to Jim. It was like the man had apparently appeared out of nowhere.  
Spock was very confused. The computers told Karidian had no past dealings with Jim, nor did any of the actors in the Company. Spock had to wonder why the man would want to incriminate Jim when there was nothing to say either knew the other. Perhaps such an encounter was not documented? And if that was the case Jim would have to identify the man.  
Spock let out a puff of air as the doors to the turbo-lift closed behind him and he was left to leave the ship. By the time Jim would be capable of such a coherent statement, it may be too late. For all Spock knew, Karidian (or his lackeys) knew Jim was back in Starfleet medical, and they may or may not either ‘turn tail’ and run, or try and get Jim back. Spock forced himself not to dwell too much on the latter, as it nearly made his body freeze in motion; they would not get his _T’hy’la_ back! And in any case, he personally would know if Jim was taken.  
…Which brought up another point; the bond. Jim did not know of it, and would need to be told about it, and deeply explained what it was and meant (if he already didn’t know, that is). Spock could say he wasn’t looking forward to the conversation just as much as he was looking forward to telling Jim he had been ‘dead’ a year.  
It was logical that those two conversations weren’t going to go down very well.  
  
Spock didn’t show how surprised he was when he saw Chekov on the other side of Jim’s ward bed, and his mother holding both her hands over her mouth to stall herself from laughing to loudly.  
Chekov noticed him first, and brightened more so if it were physically possible, at such an expression Jim had once said that one look should be able to melt Klingons and Romulans because of how ‘adorable’ it was, and how ‘no one should resist it’. At the time, the statement rather confused Spock, as neither race could physically “melt” at just the sight of an expression.  
“Commander…!” Chekov greeted just as happily as the last man that greeted him.  
Spock nodded as he walked over to his mother and take his seat. “Chekov,” Spock greeted back on his way.  
Amanda had to, brightened at seeing Spock. “Spock! Now before you tell me the details of your search, I terribly must leave you for five minutes!” Amanda said and she got up and left the room in as much hurry as she could dignify.  
Spock blinked in confusion.  
“I don’t think she has left the room, sir.” Chekov chimed in.  
Ah. That comment made sense.  
Spock looked to Chekov and felt him-self frowning. “How does gathering the computer’s information…?” Spock queried.  
Chekov flushed. “It has hit a tiny snag that will take longer, we found layers of boundaries we need to hack through; one took all day yesterday! It will take a little longer to get to the rest of the information, sir.” Chekov said apologetically.  
Spock nodded. “Should there be any more boundaries after the lot…?” Spock asked.  
“We do not know, sir, we can’t see passed the boundaries. There will probably be more guarding more information; however we hope not.” Chekov brooded.  
Spock felt it was safer to let him fret in the peace of his own mind.  
  
The two looked to the entrance when Amanda came back in, she nodded to them both then took her seat next to Spock, and turned to him.  
“So, how went your information search on Karidian?” Amanda asked.  
Spock could literally see Chekov perk up to listen in. “There was nothing to support him and Jim knowing each other on record.” Spock let out.  
Chekov and Amanda looked as confused as Spock wouldn’t let on.  
“But then, how…?” Chekov asked.  
Spock shook his head. “I do not know; we will have to ask Jim if there is a correlation between them not on record when he is coherent.” Spock surmised, which had the two humans nodded in agreement.

 

* * *

 

 

Jim could very much say that once he could feel himself awake that all of his body felt heavy and weighted. He knew from past experience that those signs weren't good. Jim knew that when he was incapacitated for two weeks his body was unresponsive to moving, let alone walking. Somehow, this lethargy feeling felt worse, and he could barely feel his toes. At least there was no pain, that was always a good sign, he hoped. Without opening his eyes, he could tell that Spock was somewhere nearby as he could feel warmth on his right side near his arm. Spock was always on his right side when he woke up after being put in the med bay. Such a proximity from Spock said volumes about what had happened to him; that Spock was uncomfortable in leaving, which normally meant that Jim had been out of it for some time. This thought made him worry, from what he could remember from their previous conversation, Spock’s visual worry made him worry about how much time had passed Spock by without Jim there. What if too much time had passed, regardless of what Spock said, what if he was saying such a thing so Jim wouldn’t worry? Jim was worried now. If too much time had passed, Spock and even McCoy wouldn’t want to spend their time with him. Jim was worried and afraid his friends would leave him; such abandonment he wasn’t quite sure he would be able to live through again. However he wouldn’t make them chose him over staying on board the _Enterprise,_ he wouldn’t do it. And he was pretty sure if his friends wouldn’t abandon him, they would fight him to say he was an idiot for thinking the ship was more important than he was. That didn’t stop him for worrying about if too much time had passed. Even if Spock said otherwise; Jim still felt safe in knowing that Spock had still called him _T’hy’la_ , and least that was something, but how much worry Spock had been in worried him tremendously. Jim could admit to himself that he was afraid of whatever decisions Spock would have and could have made regarding him while he was in this state, and that was not putting how much time the Vulcan had been without him.  
  
“...Spock...?” Jim asked as he opened his eyes. He immediately felt Spock shift next to him.  
“Jim?” Spock asked as he got up and was suddenly in Jim’s line of sight, with it Jim immediately felt better and felt himself relaxing.  
“Hey, Spock,” Jim replied a little breathlessly but overall awake and alert.  
Spock looked concerned. “How are you feeling, _T’hy’la_?” Spock questioned.  
Jim willed himself not to react to the Vulcan endearment as much as he wanted to.  
“Can’t feel my legs, how long have I been down?” Jim asked as immediately saw Spock flinch.  
“He’s rather quick for just waking up.” McCoy’s voice filter in from Jim’s left.  
Jim smiled slightly. “‘Lo, Bones...” Jim said breathlessly again. Before Jim could stop him, McCoy had an oxygen filter on him. “Bones...” Jim tried.  
“Oh, you’re not getting any of that!” McCoy replied as he filtered into and out of his gaze as he checked his statistics.

Which gave Jim plenty of time to categorize his room and surroundings: Spock and McCoy were there. But at the edge of his vision field he could vaguely see Amanda and Sarek.  
“‘Lo, Ambassador, Ma’am...” Jim said faintly.  
“Jim...” Spock started in a voice Jim knew meant for him to shut up.  
“‘Kay...” Jim responded and fell silent only giving out infrequent bouts of coughing fits. He completely missed the silent messages Amanda was giving Spock.  
  
“…You’ve been….lost…to us for about a year, Jim.” McCoy broke in.  
Jim stared at him blankly.  
 _Lost a year…  
 **A year...  
**_ **A YEAR...**  
One whole **_year_**!  
  
Jim looked to Spock and wished the Vulcan would contradict what McCoy had said.  
But Spock had his head down and he nodded to confirm.  
They thought him dead for **_a year_**.  
Would they want to continue?  
Why would they want to after coming to terms with his so called death?  
Coming back to life after being dead was no stranger to Jim. He had come back to life after being dead for **_two weeks_** , and even for that short period of time coming back to things, coming back to his precious people was hard.  
And that was when he was dead **_two weeks!_**  
  
Spock’s head shot up when he heard a painful whimper come from him.  
“….Jim…?” Spock started softly.  
Jim stared after him. “…A year…” He wheezed.  
Spock nodded painfully; the notion brought him pain. Had he known about the bond sooner; he would have found Jim sooner!  
“Marcus had me for a year!” Jim wheezed.  
Spock stalled in his breathing. “Jim… You knew?” He asked, frowning.  
Amanda and McCoy froze in sudden terror. While Sarek stood calculating.  
Jim looked a little lost. “He threatened everyone…” Jim said.  
“What!” McCoy shouted.  
“At the hearing, Marcus pulled me aside and said if he didn’t get answers from me, he would go after Spock, and then he would go after everyone else if I still didn’t tell him.” Jim tried to respond as much as he could from his mask.  
Spock slumped and sighed. “And you being Jim, decided to act on your own, and challenge him to get the information out of you anyway he could think of so he would leave us alone.” Spock surmised.  
Jim looked upset, but determined. “He was threatening to kill you!” He said.  
“Thought it was damn fishy how Marcus handled the whole thing!” McCoy growled.  
“When are you going to learn, _T’hy’la_ , that you not alone anymore…? You could have said something.” Spock said.  
“We would have helped!” Amanda said, pushing her anger aside, knowing very well where Jim was coming from.  
“Damn it, kid!” McCoy seethed. “Don’t make those kinds of decisions without consulting those involved!”  
Before Jim could respond, Spock gave out an uncharacteristic painful sound. “I…second that,” Spock responded.  
Jim looked alarmed at how Spock had responded painfully, as if Jim’s words had sucker punched Spock.  
“It’s alright, Jim. It’s okay.” Amanda broke in, seeing the fast approaching breakdown forthcoming.  
Jim didn’t take his eyes off Spock, waiting for him to either confirm or deny what his mother was saying.  
Spock nodded. “I will not leave you, _T’hy’la_.” Spock responded to Jim’s silent question.  
They all watched as if a huge weight was lifted off Jim’s shoulders once Spock confirmed his intentions.  
  
Before Jim had really the time to process what was being said; Uhura ran in at break neck speed.  
“Sir….!” Uhura called frantically holding out a PADD. “This was just received from Karidian!” She announced in a hurry.  
Spock quickly took the PADD and read the received message:

_-/ > -/>To: Main, B. Finney, G. Mitchell_ _, Finnegan,_ _  
-/ > -/>Retrieve J. Kirk from Starfleet Medical, and send for K. Riley for treatment.  
-/> -/>Begin immediately,  
<\--\ <\--\ A Karidian._

Spock immediately stood. “Where are Scott, Sulu and Chekov?” He asked.  
“Awaiting orders, sir,” Uhura responded.  
Spock looked straight at her, the immediately composed orders to them:

_-/ > -/>To: H. Sulu, M. Scott  
-/> -/> Return to USS _Enterprise _Engineering to find Lieutenant Kevin Riley. Bring him and yourselves to Starfleet Medical immediately, you are all in danger,  
<\--\ <\--\ Spock._

_-/ > -/>To: P. Chekov  
-/> -/> Evacuate all members of Starfleet remaining in the computer’s district; inform them to seek further orders from Starfleet personnel. Bring yourself to Starfleet Medical immediately, you are at risk of danger,  
<\--\ <\--\ Spock._

_-/ > -/> To: C. Pike  
-/>Fwd.: Orders from A. Karidian /&/  
To H. Sulu [...] /&/ P. Chekov  
-/> -/> Insinuations are brought upon persons J. Kirk, K. Riley, N. Uhura, H. Sulu, M. Scott, P. Chekov, myself and my family, I have asked those previous to remain in Starfleet Medical where several are already positioned, where we can protect J. Kirk as much as possible as it is impossible to move him from medical situations. Inform persons of note of the situation: there will be movement against these men: J, Kirk and K. Riley in particular, on those protecting them, and that of which house them. Consequently that of Starfleet Medical: seek to infiltrate them before they come in close to Starfleet Medical,  
<\--\ <\--\ Spock._

Spock turned to McCoy. “Is there a way to protect this room from entering persons and airborne projectiles?” Spock asked.  
McCoy gave him a blank look.  
Jim gave out a weak chuckle. “He means weapon fire, Bones.” Jim said.  
Uhura gave a jump in surprise. “Kirk…!”  
Jim blinked at her. “‘Lo, Uhura,” Jim breathed.  
“Jim, stop talking or I’ll put you under,” McCoy grouched, and Jim shut up. “There’s the protection field, but I doubt that would keep out weapon fire – why will there be weapon fire?!” McCoy trailed off, just realising what he had been asked of.  
“Can you or can you not be more articulate about the weapon fire?” Spock asked.  
McCoy threw up his hands. “No idea! Why will there be weapons fire!”  
“Bones…” Jim tried, and held down the glare McCoy gave him, “Gimme the data for it.”  
McCoy groaned and brought up the data piece on his PADD and then gave it to Jim, watching his statistics like a hawk.  
Jim’s movements were slow and sluggish, his arms moving slow and looking painfully: nothing else of his body moved.  
  
Suddenly the lights flickered in and out and the ground gave a grumble and a groan of persistence. Amanda yelped while she reached out and held onto Sarek in fright, while McCoy, Uhura and Spock latched onto Jim’s bed, while Chekov came running in, with Sulu, Scotty, and Riley in quick succession.  
“Now…!” Spock ordered, with it behind them a barrier formed in the doorway, and shimmered around the surrounding walls of the room.  
Riley looked like he had seen a ghost, seeing Jim alive, yet wasn’t able to bring him-self to speak; almost as if he were afraid were he to speak his long ago friend and protector would disappear from view.  
Spock’s PADD chimed in download finish reminder; better late than never.  
Jim frowned at the newcomer, and the newcomer stared back.  
“…Kev…?” Jim breathed.  
Riley’s eyes lit up in now fully confirmed recognition. “Hey, J.T.,” Riley answered.  
Jim gave a huff of breath, not noticing everyone else’s confused frown, and pushing away the not-so-his feelings of sudden dread. “You…got big,” Jim answered.  
Riley gave out a forced laugh.  
“…Jim,” Spock called his attention, and turned his PADD to show Jim a photo of Karidian. “Do you recognise this man…?”  
Spock had never seen Jim go as pale as the sheet he was surrounded by so quickly, and one of fear, and anger. He couldn’t force his dread away.

“That’s not possible,” Jim said in a state of shock.  
“Jim?” Amanda questioned first, one of the many who didn’t like how pale he had gotten.  
McCoy was just thankful that Jim had the oxygen filter on; as he was pretty sure Jim would have stopped breathing.  
Jim looked to Riley. “Show ‘im,” He said; his eyes still wide.

Spock didn’t question even though he wanted to, and silently showed Riley the picture of Karidian.  
Riley went just as pale as Jim, and seemed to lose his footing as he stumbled backwards to get further away for the picture, as if just the picture itself could jump out of its freeze-frame and cause damage. Riley clashed right into a very concerned Uhura, who was now the only reason Riley was still standing, because as soon as he had crashed into her, Uhura responded by taking hold of Riley’s arms.

Spock watched Jim for a reaction; the shocked expressions were taken over by an angry fear. “Jim?” Spock questioned, not at all liking the emotions pouring from his _T’hy’la_. He was very concerned.  
Riley had lost the ability to speak, but looked to Jim for help.

If Jim could look somewhat murderous even with the oxygen filter on, people would be ten feet under when he would be without it.  
“How is he not possible, Kirk?” Sarek asked, not miffed at all by the fact Amanda hadn’t removed herself from his space nor her grip on his arm.  
“I watched him burn.” Jim muttered. “What did you say his name was?” He asked, looking to a silent thinking Spock.  
“Anton Karidian.” Spock replied.  
Riley gave what sounded like a mash up of a laugh and a snort, while Jim’s eyebrows rose.

Spock knew how to read Jim (and the bond now just made it easier). “From your reaction and what I can gather this wasn’t his name ten years ago.”  
Riley and McCoy looked amazed, while Jim simply nodded. “His name was Kodos.”  
Spock seemingly lurched forward, aversion damned, and grasped Jim’s nearest arm in what could only be alarm and borderline being frightful.  
 _Will you be alright?_ Spock asked silently, knowing how much this was affecting Jim as well as himself.  
Jim frowned a little, and then shrugged a little. “I watched him burn. Twice,” Jim muttered.

Riley looked just as helpless, Uhura had not released him, knowing he was still depending on her to stand.  
Sarek could feel Amanda unease and her other swirling emotions as she held on tighter in her silence.  
The lights gave out for a second before flickering back into existence badly; the hospital shook as if something hit it.  
They all watched as Jim’s mask slid back into its place, covering his emotions and he took hold again of the PADD, his fingers dancing across its screen.  
“What are you going to do?” Uhura asked, seeing Jim work.  
“I’m going to make sure they leave everyone else alone, and come straight here,” Jim started, not looking up to her. “Spock, I’m going on the fact I hope you should’ve alerted Starfleet of their incoming and have timed their finding us to when Starfleet should intercept them.” Jim stated, as he did the protection wall seem to glitter faintly, and the lights stopped flickering.  
Spock nodded. “I have. Your estimation of their arrival…?” Spock asked.  
Jim finally looked up to look straight at Spock, but looked as if he was trying to see something else his mind was working on, but frowned like he couldn’t see what he wanted to. “In five minutes.”  
Spock quickly typed his reply to Pike letting him know of his deadline.  
“They won’t see the barrier, and if I’m good, they’ll try and walk straight into it.” Jim said handing out the PADD for Spock to take it.  
“And what happens when they try?” Amanda asked curiously, while Spock took the offered PADD and set it on the hospital tray.

 

They all looked towards the entrance when they all heard incoming footsteps.  
Soon enough several familiar faces appeared at the door.  
Finnegan took the first step in hasty recapture. Both Finney and Mitchell scrambled back in alarm when Finnegan was lit up as the doorway went up in sparks as Finnegan was electrocuted.  
Jim growled at the remaining two. “I’ve had enough of you fuckers! You can fuck with me all you want! But once you start going after my friends, then it becomes a fucking problem!” Jim said murderously, “Try the door again, I dare you.”  
They had no time to wonder how a bed ridden man could sound so dangerous when everyone knew that he could not walk.  
The two had no chance to reply as someone they hadn’t seen come up behind them and push them both in the barrier, causing screams and sparks to fly, then the whole room to go dark as the system overloaded as the lights cracked out.  
“Come after Jim, and it becomes everyone’s problem.” Pike’s voice resounded through the darkness. “Take them away!” He ordered in the darkness. “And someone get the lights back on!”  
  
Once the lights came back on, the humans stood in awe of what Pike had done.  
Pike stood there looking at one person in particular. “You alright, son…?” He asked finally.  
Jim stared at him in surprise. “Not exactly the finishing touch that I was expecting.” He commented sheepishly.  
Pike’s eyes flickered over everyone in the room and sighed. “And next time something this big comes up; you talk to your friends first, and never do it alone.” Pike said.  
Jim nodded timidly. “Yes sir.”  
“ _You never have to do it all alone,_ T’hy’la,” Spock reminded him just as gently. “No matter how much you are used to doing it by yourself.” Spock said uncharacteristically out loud, but everyone could see the calming response it got from Jim.  
Jim suddenly smiled as if Spock had finally gotten through to him, “Got it, Spock.”  
Amanda smiled happily and she finally let go of Sarek’s arm; her wish had come true, her family had come out of this in one piece.  
Spock nodded and his eyes danced in favour that his _T’hy’la_ had finally understood what he had known since the beginning of their time together.  
 _You are never all alone, Jim. You have us now._


	10. Regain

Chapter 10 – _Tabakau_

 

Everyone turned a blind eye when one day Spock left the room when Kodos was sighted, and suspiciously no one, not even the Karidian troop ever heard from him again. It was not too later after that, the families of Finney, Finnegan and Mitchell had to face taking them off life support; not that it was much of a decision on their part, as they had been _very_ informed (more informed then the media, that is), about their sons participation of their adding a mass criminal and adding him and Marcus to perform illegal actions of torture against Jim, not to mention their going to add him in further torturous advents of Jim and Riley.

The media had a full field day, when they had so much to cover, starting from Khan—Harrison’s illegal acts against Starfleet (and “subsequent death at the hands of the Klingons”), the sudden return of one alive James, “Jim”, T Kirk, as well as the people aiding in keeping Jim that way. Their biggest coverage was their footage of Starfleet’s removal of the remembrance plate in the gardens for Jim, as well as their speculations as to why all this had happened. Not one of their speculations at least remotely looked like the actual truth and the people involved in it.

Spock was on his way back to Jim’s room after meeting once more with Starfleet about damage control, and his future roll on the _Enterprise_ in a year or so time, once it was fully repaired and upgraded again. His world came to a halting stop when he had a body-full of his _T’hy’la_ crashing into him with an alarmed yelp as he miscalculated his footing.  
Spock blinked down at him in surprise as Jim spat out curses, then looked up to see who caught him.  
“Oh, hey, Spock…!” Jim said cheerfully.  
Spock blinked again as he put his arms under Jim’s shoulders to heft him up properly. “ _T’hy’la_ …What _are_ you doing….?” Spock asked; he and Jim knew full well that Jim should not be outside his bed, let alone ‘walking’ out of his room.  
Jim looked sheepish. “Um, walking….” He replied.  
Spock’s eyebrows vanished into his hairline. “And how long have you been trying to escape your room, as well as McCoy?” Spock asked; he knew sooner or later Jim would take it upon himself to get out of his room, out if the hospital and well away from it as soon as he could. Though, Spock could surmise he could thoroughly blame himself for avoiding the main issue of why he was…avoiding it with Jim as long as he had.  
“Um, well, what time is it?” Jim asked, a tad hopeful.  
“A little past lunchtime,” Spock answered truthfully.  
Jim looked surprised. “Damn. I got out of bed at nine!”  
It had taken him that long to get to the doorway.  
Spock gave out a puff of air, “Enough of that.” He countered, and before Jim could protest, Spock had gathered him up and walked into the room with Jim in his arms.

Jim sat on his bed with his arms crossed and a full blown pout featuring on his face.  
Spock flicked his face. “Stop acting like a child, Jim.”  
Jim sighed and let go of his pout. “Sorry.”  
Spock let out a puff of air again, gathering his nerve he sat down in the nearest chair.  
“…There…is something I wish to discuss with you.” Spock started.  
Jim looked startled, but nodded slowly. “Okay…” He said slowly.  
“What do you know of Vulcan bonds, Jim?” Spock asked tentatively.  
Jim looked surprised, as if he wasn’t quite expecting that question. “Uh, it’s something you guys have right; it’s like Earth marriage, yeah? You guys can get pretty sick if the other dies, I remember that.” Jim responded (more like fumbled) as kindly as he could, as he recalled something only he and Spock remembered. “I’m very much guessing when I say I assume your parents have one.” Jim said.  
Spock nodded. “Indeed, they do have one.” He said.  
Jim frowned. “What…exactly brought this up…?” He asked, and he saw how reluctant Spock was in talking about it.  
“We have such a bond, Jim.” Spock replied plainly.  
Jim’s eyes went wide in sudden realization. “So that’s what it was!” He said exclamation.  
Spock blinked. “Pardon…?” He asked quietly.  
Jim frowned in concentration as if he searched for something in his mind, he was now fully aware of Vulcan telepathic communication between each other, and now he knew Spock had been using it subconsciously with him since he woke up.  
Jim looked curious. “How long have we had this going on?” He asked, gesturing to the air between his and Spock’s heads.  
“Since our altercation on the bridge, I have only been made aware of it recently; it was how I was able to find you.” Spock responded quietly.

Jim quietly stared at Spock. “So….what you’re saying….is that we’ve basically been married since we meet? And it saved me? — Holy crap! I am so sorry!” Jim suddenly exclaimed.  
Spock could truthfully state that this wasn’t the response he thought he would get. “I cannot fully understand what it is you are apologising for, if anything I have to make apologies as well. It was because of me that the bond went unanswered for so long.” Spock said.  
Jim blinked. “Hang on, isn’t it kinda my fault too? Good kinda fault, but nonetheless, it’s a fault.” Jim said.  
Spock blinked in confusion, “How can it be a good fault but a fault at the same time, _T’hy’la_?” He asked.  
Jim shrugged. “Well, because of it, it saved my life, and it brought you to me, I’m not about to go knocking it down for a pretence it’s unwelcomed on my end, Spock. Unless you do not wish for it—”  
Before Jim could finish Spock was up, his forehead against Jim’s, and his eyes shut.  
“Never, _T’hy’la_ , never believe it is a mistake or that it was ever unwelcomed after being found.” Spock breathed.  
Jim lifted one of his hands to cradle the side of Spock’s face, as his eyes shut. “As long as it’s not unwelcomed, Spock.”  
 _And I will always find you_. Spock responded silently to him, which made Jim smile.  
“You’re definitely going to teach me how to do that, Spock.” Jim replied cheekily.  
“That, _T’hy’la_ , I do not doubt.” Spock responded truthfully.

 

* * *

 

 

Amanda had not been one for giggling in her time, but seeing Jim twitch anxiously in his bed waiting for McCoy to come back was just to hilarious for her to contain, and it came out in a full blown giggle attack.  
“Ma’am…!” Jim whined at her, when he noticed her giggling at him.  
“Never Ma’am with me, Jim…!” She reminded as she giggled. “If you could see yourself, you would giggle too!” She said.  
Spock and Sarek stood to the side of the room watching the events unfold. Spock could very well sense what was going on in Jim’s mind; every second McCoy was away was another second wasted in the hospital, while Sarek could sense the amusement coming from his wife with contentment that she was feeling such an emotion true to her kind once more and not the clouding sadness that had clung to her for nearly a year.

They all looked to the door when, to their surprise not McCoy walked in, but Pike.  
“Pike…!” Jim called out joyously, having not seen much of the man as he knew Pike had huge responsibilities and not enough time to do those in.  
Pike smiled at him. “Alright there, son…?” He asked gently.  
Jim nodded. “Be even better when I get out of here!”  
Pike nodded sympathetically, but then looked to Spock. “I have a proposition for you…” He started.

Jim was nearly joyously bouncing off the walls by the time McCoy came back in.  
“Damn it, Jim! You can go!” McCoy announced.  
“YES!” Jim hollered and bounded off the bed as quick as he could, only to be stopped a second later when Spock snaked an arm around his middle to keep him in one place.  
“Spock….!” Jim whined. “Let me go…!” Jim asked with a pout.  
Spock shook his head. “I believe doctor McCoy has more to say to you.” Spock replied, not at all budging from the pout being used on him.  
Jim groaned.  
“Make sure you do absolutely _nothing_ , understand me?” McCoy grumbled.  
“Yeah, yeah, sure, nothing, can I go!” Jim rushed, knowing there was no use in scrambling at Spock’s arm to let him go.  
McCoy looked to Spock. “And you damn well make sure of it!” McCoy said angrily.  
Spock nodded. “Or else, Jim will be back here, I understand,” Under him Spock could feel Jim understanding. “As does Jim; may we go?” Spock asked.  
McCoy groaned. “Y’all get out of my sight before I hypo you!” McCoy grumbled.  
Jim yelped, and pawed at Spock’s arm pleadingly, with it Spock let go, but took his arm to lead him out, with his parents not far behind.  
“Oh, and Jim…?” McCoy started, calling them all to look to him, and he smiled, “Congratulations.” McCoy said with finality; then turned back to the medical machines to turn them off.  
Jim beamed and looked to Spock, who nodded their leave.

 

* * *

 

 

It had taken nearly a year since Jim returned for the _Enterprise_ to be fully up and functioning again, with the hallways bright and light filling every space it could. In her one year in station she had seen her previous Captain, Pike, become an admiral to be of a few that would run Starfleet instead of just one individual come this time around; but her newest Captain was yet to come aboard. She had undergone many simulations and tests ordered by him to be completed by her bridge crew, always at the very highest scores and always glowing with pride when the tests came back fully positive that she was ready for her next mission of _five years in space_.  
It was time for take-off.

Jim walked confidently onto the bridge of the _Enterprise_ , quickly pushing aside the biggest of Déjà vu he had ever witnessed as he looked around the bridge to see all its familiar faces in the exact right spots. His smile turned bigger when Chekov turned around, and seemed to have a smile splitting his face in half as he said;  
“Captain on the bridge!”  
Everyone on the bridge looked to the lift to see their new Captain standing there with a nostalgic smile as he walked over to the middle chair; then suddenly look over to Marcus.  
“Doctor Marcus,” He called genuinely.  
She jumped in what most would deem in fright. “…Yes sir…?”  
Marcus was definitely confused at the knowing grin he had sporting, “I’m glad you can be a part of the family.” He replied, his smile morphing into a kind one.  
She blinked in awe. “…It’s…nice to have a family…?” She responded in kind.  
Jim nodded, and pressed down to con. Scotty. “Mister Scott, how’s our core?” He asked, smiling at an amused Uhura as he went.  
“ _Purring like a kitten, Captain!_ ” Scotty responded in surprise, having not expected Jim to have called him. “ _She’s ready for a long journey_.” He replied fondly.  
“Excellent!” Jim responded, the bounded over to McCoy to clap him on both of his shoulders joyfully. “Come on, Bones! It’ll be _fun_!” Jim said excitedly to the grumpy man.  
Said grumpy man sighed in annoyance. “Five years in space! God help me!” McCoy grumbled.  
Then Jim went to stand in front of his chair. “Spock,” He called.  
Spock turned around. “Captain…?” He responded as he walked over to stand shoulder-to-shoulder; noting that everyone was watching eagerly at both him and Jim in notion of what the two from the future would do, as well as the mischievous glint in his _T’hy’la_ ’s eyes.  
“Where should we go?” Jim asked politely.  
Spock looked to him. _No matter where we are to go, we shall always be home._ He replied silently to Jim, who responded with a genuine smile. “As a mission of this duration has never been attempted,” Spock could also play Jim’s game of riling up the crew. “I defer to your good judgement, Captain.” Spock replied and with one last side-smile, he went back to sit at his station, noting all the dissatisfied mumbles and groans from the crew as he went from the lack of extra information.  
Jim kept smiling as he finally sat back down into his chair. “Mister Sulu, take us out.” Jim said, and Sulu looked to him. “That-a-way,” Jim replied to Sulu’s look and he pointed nonchalantly towards the stars.  
“Aye, Captain!” Sulu responded happily, and with that, the _Enterprise_ was once more again journeying on her five year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

 

_-If there is any true logic in this universe: we’ll end up on that bridge again, someday._

_///The End._

 

 

 

  
_You taught me the courage of stars before you left,_   
_how light carries on endlessly, even after death._   
_I couldn’t help but ask, for you to say it all again;_   
_I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time:_   
_That the universe was made, just to be seen by my eyes._   
  
_With shortness of breath I’ll explain the infinite…_   
_How rare…_   
_And beautiful,_   
_it truly is that we exist._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, that's Thrap-fam'es nufau t' du / Forgiveness Of You done and dusted! Woo! Hope you liked it and it lived up to Vokaya Halan (you guys are weird, you know that, right?) And of course, if you guys are interested, I'm thinking of doing a follow on to this series that takes a look at the first year of the five year mission, but you guys, if you want it, you gonna have to give me a lot of help! Like what you want to happen on random planets, I've got a few already, but if you want more then just, uh, two, I'll need your input. And names, heaven give me names for the worlds they visit!  
> So, if you liked this story and want to tell me, please go right ahead and tell me!  
> If you also want to tell me your opinion on the follow on and / or have any suggestions for said follow on, review and tell me all your secrets!
> 
> * * *
> 
> ./FOY/. Italics from each chapter:
> 
> 1\. Trading Yesterday - Shattered / 2. Jason Walker - Echo / 3. Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - This Will Be The Day (RWBY) / 4. Poets of the Fall - War / 5. Morgan Taylor Reid - Where Do I Even Start / 6. Thomas Bergersen ft. Merethe S. - The Hero In Your Heart / 7. Skylar Grey - I'm Coming Home (Part II) / 8. Plumb - In My Arms / 9. Nightwish - Tenth Man Down / 10. (1), Elder-Kirk (William Shatner) cameo for the Star Trek 2009 (unaired script) / 10. (2), Sleeping At Last - Saturn


End file.
